Wal Mart Greeters

Twenty years from now, people will look upon the  Wal Mart Greeters as an iconic landmark of these days.

Wow. Did I construct that sentence correctly? Whatevers…   Seriously..we’re going to miss those sweet old people.  I always give them a sincere greeting back.

“Hi Hank.”

“How’s it going Lucy?”

“What’s for dinner?”

“That Look”.

That last one is one of my favorites because they give “That Look”.  I always thought it was the pre-Alzheimer’s confused look but a friend pointed out it may also be “What a weirdo” look as well.

They stand there so proudly.  It’s hard to resist the urge to fuck with them.

Can I get an AMEN??

Wouldn’t be fun to come up behind  them on your way out, pop ’em one to the back of the head and yell “WAKE UP!” ??

Over the top huh? How about telling them their shift is over and they can go home?

Hand them a bottle of Alieve .

Walk in with a beer and when they try to put a sticker on it say “No, it’s yours. Enjoy.”

Walk in and insist they put a sticker on your child. I had one do it spontaneously once. Weird.

Then there’s The Buzzer. the one that goes off when you’re stealing something trying to leave. Then the Greeter gets all Gestapo on you and wants to see your papers.  Next time the buzzer goes off, drop to your knees, put your hands behind your back and scream “DON’T SHOOT” or “DON”T TAZE ME BRO” whatever seems to fit the occasion.

I once accidentally (I swear) pulled an old receipt from my wallet and confused the shit out of the poor lady.

Try that on your next trip.




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