Read on Loyal Readers, you haven’t heard this one. Yeah, I wrote it.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS WHEN ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE,
THE AC WAS BLOWING, CUZ THEY LIVE IN THE SOUTH.
THE FAMILY WAS ALL SEATED, THE TV IN STAND BY,
IN HOPES THAT EACH GET; THEIR FAIR SHARE OF WI-FI.
THE CHILDREN ON SNAP CHAT WITH ALL OF THEIR BUDDIES,
WHILE MOM AND DAD FACEBOOKED, ALMOST COOL AS THE KIDDIES.
MOM POSTED SOME PICTURES, AND DAD WAS JUST BITCHING,
THEY ALL SETTLED DOWN FOR A LONG NIGHT OF CHATTING.
WHEN OUT OF THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER,
YET NO ONE SPRANG UP TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
AWAY TO THE WINDOW THE CAT FLEW LIKE A FLASH,
TORE OPEN THE CURTAINS AND SLASHED DOWN THE SASH.
THE MOON ON THE CREST OF THE GRASS THAT NEEDS MOW,
WAS ONLY FOR JELLICLE CATS FAR BELOW.
WHEN, WHAT TO NO ONE’S WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR,
BUT A MINIATURE SLEIGH, EIGHT TINY REINDEER.
WITH A LITTLE OLD DRIVER, SO LIVELY AND QUICK,
BUT NO ONE WOULD BOTHER TO SEE IT WAS SAINT NICK.
MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES HIS COURSERS THEY CAME,
AND HE WHISTLED AND SHOUTED; HE CALLED THEM BY NAME.
BUT EAR BUDS AND HEAD PHONES DID DEAFENED THE HOLLER,
SO NO ONE COULD HEAR THIS TINY, LOUD CALLER.
“NOW DASHER! NOW DANCER! NOW PRANCER AND VIXEN,
“ON COMET! ON CUPID! ON DONNER AND BLITZEN!
AND THEN IN A TWINKLING, THERE WAS ON THE ROOF,
THE PRANCING AND PAWING OF EACH LITTLE HOOF.
AS CATS HISSED AND PISSED AND SCATTERED AROUND,
DOWN THE CHIMNEY SAINT NICK, HE WENT WITH A BOUND.
HE WAS DRESSED ALL IN FUR, FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FOOT,
A SACK OF THEIR PRESENTS WAS THERE AT HIS FOOT.
HE SPOKE NOT A WORD, HE TUGGED AT HIS BEARD,
HE SAW THEM ALL READING; HE SAW NOBODY CARED.
AND LAYING A FINGER ASIDE OF HIS NOSE,
WITH ALL OF THEIR PRESENTS, UP THE CHIMNEY HE ROSE.
AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT, NONE HEARD HIM EXCLAIM,
“I CHANGED YOUR DAMN WI-FI; YOUR PASSWORD WAS LAME.”
