Tips for Liberal Preppers

Threatened by a Trump Administration, many on the Liberal Left are becoming “Preppers”.  “Prepping” has been a long time bastion of the “Right Wing Gun Toting, Racist,Sexist, Fascist, White, Disgruntled, Dangerous, Veteran, Right Wing, Homophobic” types. Reaching across the aisle, we at the Lucky Puppy offer a list of “have to have” items and tips  for Newby Lefty Prepper.

A Gun– Yeah we know.  But it will come in handy hunting for food and signaling the rescue helicopter. It doesn’t have to be a big gun.  It doesn’t have to be an “assault” weapon.  If you find that actually owning a firearm is just too scary, you might want to go with a pellet gun.  Avoid BB guns and those realistic looking fake guns, they will get you shot. If you get a gun try sealing it into a wall of your home so that it’s completely safe until you bug out.  Buy some bullets too.

TRANSPORTATION- You will have to go to safer places.  Your hybrid will be useless when the electrical grid fails.  You will have to use alternative Green transportation.  We strongly urge you to use horses.  Be sure to have one horse for every family member over the age of ten.  Families with smaller children should look to securing a wagon.

SHELTER- This could be as simple as using any motel that isn’t teeming with armed-to-the-teeth Republicans.  There will be times that you might not find a suitable motel.  You will have to camp and therefore should have camping equipment.

FOOD- Everyone has to eat.  We know you hate the military but you have to admit they’ve got this meals-ready-to-eat thing down cold. They are easy to heat up.  They come in a variety of menus.  Best of all, they’re TASTY.

CLOTHING- Dress warm, but think “layers”.  Sturdy boots are a necessity. If you have women or teen age girls in your party consider storing bikinis or sexy outfits.  This will be helpful when bartering for things you do not have.  Also stock conservative t shirts.  Any thing with Trump on it will work.  You’ll need this for camouflage when passing through dangerous areas.

WHERE TO GO- You may be safe right where you are.  If that’s the case just hunker down and wait for the UN Peace Keepers to show up.  If you find yourself in a danger zone we provide this handy map to get you where you’re going.  When passing through the Border Wall make sure wearing your Trump T-shirt and have a fake Trump ballot to present to the Border Guards to prevent being sent to re-education camps. Once in the Neutral Zone, ditch these items and soon as possible.