- Children should not dress up as policemen.
- That goes for the military as well.
- You have a pill box.
- Periods show up randomly until they’re a wistful memory.
- Depends start looking like a good idea.
- Men sit when they pee.
- You stop driving because your car gives you sass-mouth.
- That $1000 mortgage you paid off and is replaced by medical insurance.
- Your kids seem unusually tall.
- Your dogs get smaller.
- Your cats look at you like they’re sizing you up for dinner.
- You pill box now has “AM” and “PM” boxes.
- You start getting burial expense ads in your mail.
- Without your glasses you need a dog with a handle.
- Taking a shit becomes a treasure hunt that your doctor sends you on.
- You get a fake ID to prove you’re 62.
- What day of the week is it? You don’t have a clue and don’t give a fuck.
- Stairs become a life and death situation.
- The word “sex” becomes a noun instead of a verb.
- The obituary page starts looking like a high school reunion.
- You sit in the shower.
- You’re not as smart as your phone.
- You can’t find your glasses.
- You have to do math to figure out how old you are.
- When people guess your age, they get it right on the button.
- You remember the 60’s, you loved the 70’s, you survived the 80’s, you ignored the 90’s. Once you got past 2001, you stopped giving a shit.
- Sexy is someone your age that can walk.
- Your grandkids don’t sit on your lap because they don’t want to accused of peeing their pants. This actually happened to my Dad when he met his granddaughter.
- You have to “you proof” your house.
Things You Notice When You’re Old
