The biggest lie in retail is “The customer is always right.”
This story takes place at Radio Shack. It was Christmas time and we were swamped on a regular basis. During this time, we sold a pager to a woman that we would later dub “The Pager Lady”. She was either on crack or maybe she was bi-polar. We were guessing. She was white, middle-aged and always dressed in a very sexy (?) manner. She sometimes wore a fur stole. She also swore like a sailor.
POTTY MOUTH WILL BE USED TO TELL THIS STORY
She was back several times to bitch about her pager. She was always threatening to “Kick someone’s ass.” At one point our manager (picture Brittany Spears) put her name badge on the counter and said, “You call me Bitch one more time and we’ll go round.” Mike was behind her and I was behind “The Pager Lady” and we nodded at each other. Mike would take our manager and I would grab the pager lady and keep a fight from breaking out.
Another time Pager Lady was standing in line and loudly proclaimed,
“I’M LOSING $400 A DAY BECAUSE THIS FUCKING PAGER WON’T WORK.”
A drunk, about four people back in line said,
“$400 a day of a pager? What are you? A prostitute? I have money on me?”
“Oh Christ”, I thought. She was going to fight a customer. With a loud “FUCK YOU”, she stormed out of the store. That was a close one. We eventually refunded her pager and it cheerfully buzzed on our return shelf until it fell off and buzzed until the battery died. We 86’d her out of the store.
I SWEAR THIS WENT DOWN EXACTLY LIKE THIS.
After Christmas, Rusty and I were smoking in the back and watching the security cam. Mike was fiddling with stuff under the counter. We see the Pager Lady walk in. No one else is in the store. I turn to Rusty and say, “You’re my 911 guy. If she starts shit, start dialing.”
She walks up to the counter.
“I’m sorry for being so rude. I have a question. Can you help me?”
Mike doesn’t look up and starts slowly shaking his head.
“You have to answer my question. You have to answer my question.”:
Mike says, “What’s your question?”
Shaking a paper in Mike’s face…..
“WHY AM I GETTING A MOTHERFUCKING BILL?????”
Mike goes back to shaking his head.
“DON’T SHAKE YOUR FUCKING HEAD! WHAT’S YOUR FUCKING NAME?”
“My name is Mike.”
“YOUR LAST NAME ASSHOLE.”
“My name is Mike, I work at Radio Shack.”
‘THIS IS YOUR LAST DAY AT RADIO SHACK MOTHERUCKER.”
Which was ironic because Mike was Christmas help and it really was his last day. Mike didn’t give a rat’s ass.
At this point I head out with Rusty in trail.
From behind the counter I said, “Calm down Ma’am. I’m sure we can solve this problem.”
“Calm down. If you don’t stop cussing, I’ll be forced to dial 911.”
When I said the last “one” she reached over the counter and hit me in the face with a great right hook. Shed fled from the store, Mike and Rusty hot on her tacky heels.
THE NEXT DAY
I come in the store to find Rusty and Darren watching the security tape on all 32 TV’s on display. No one is in the store.
RUSTY: “Watch this, watch this. Now.”
POP!
DARREN: “Damn. He doesn’t even move.”
RUSTY: “She hit him hard.”
DARREN: “Damn”
ME: “If you want to watch it guys, take it in the back.”
Popping the tape out, they head to the backroom. I start counting down the drawer when our District Manager walks in. He’s got a video camera and is filming each store for an “After Christmas Clean up Contest”.
“Heard you had some excitement last night”
“Yeah, the boys are watching the tape in back.”
“Oooo, a tape”
He heads back and emerges a few minutes later. As he heads for the door he says,
“Don’t worry. You won’t be charged.”
“Wait a minute. Charged with what?”
“She called Fort Worth this morning and said you sexually assaulted her in the store.”
The Pager Lady was my worst customer.
Do you have a bad customer? Tell your story.
