The Cat’s Out of the Bag- The Tumor is on the Table

I hope nobody noticed, but you probably did.  I have been a nervous wreck for the past couple of weeks. If you really want a punch in the stomach, have your child call you and tell you they found a tumor.


The story starts two weeks or so ago.  Brian is on  Prilosec for acid reflux. Urinary tract infections are a side effect (I think, so don’t sue me). Anyway..Brian GOES TO THE DOCTOR to get looked at.  The doctor examines him as says,

“Congratulations, you just won a free ride on the CAT scanner”.

So then I get the call. The kind where they ask you if you’re sitting down and not driving. Brian tells me he has a tumor.  Not a cute, little “We’re glad we found it early” kind.  A big HONKING SOFTBALL SIZED, fucking tumor.

Our Family deals with stress with humor.

Great. Now what? When is the biopsy?

There are a bunch of heroes in this story and one of the early ones was his doctor. Doc says, “FUCK THIS, let’s get you in for a biopsy.” There was a scheduling conflict and apparently Doc got Medieval on the scheduling chick until she pulled her head out of her ass and got with the program.

Then comes the Biopsy and a camera up the pee-pee for some YouTube clips.  Good news is that The Alien (Brian’s pet name for his new pet) hasn’t invaded the bladder. Bad news, tumor is some diabolically rare sucker that has the staff doing a pool to see what kind it really is.  Big money riding on Bladder Cancer but Kidney Cancer is coming up fast on the rail.

It’s been a week now and if I haven’t started smoking again I must have REALLY Quit.

So Surgury is scheduled for …well…today. But this is last week and I have to get through this weekend.  I have Rosie and Andy to keep me company (Read Busy).  I throw a punkin carving contest.  Sorta works.  But not for long.

Sleep completely optional at this point.

Andy drags me to FRIGHTDOME last night. Except for the cut up bodies on the surgical tables, FRIGHT DOME really works. Especially…


I get home about one dark thirty this morning and pass out exhausted.

Slept until 0830 and missed the whole damn thing.  But our family is so electronically wired that we can be bicoastal and still feel like we’re in the same room.  My first clue was missed phone call at 0714.  Then the voice mail. Four text messages from Abby and two from Tina. Everything seems to have gone perfectly but I call anyway,,,,DUH.

And the winner is…….


No..the real winner is Brian who noticed something was wrong, went to the doctor to be seen and then did what it he had to, to get the job done.

So go get your boobies schmushed.  Go get your testicles ultrasounded (with the WARM gel…ummmmm….yummy).  If your mole is bleeding.

If you find a lump ANYWHERE!  Go get it looked at.

Quirky, Dark Humor

This story ends with a happy ending. The surgery went well, the Doc thinks he got it all.

Unsung Heroes

ABBY as the unflinching heroic wife.

TINA as the Mom that Brian never had.

TIMM as the brother who masterminded family time.

ANDY as the unflinching heroic friend.

13 thoughts on “The Cat’s Out of the Bag- The Tumor is on the Table

  1. After just going through losing my dad to prostrate cancer a few months ago, Last thing i wanted to hear was someone else very close to our family had cancer. Beyond ecstatic that it was operable and something that went very smooth (well except for the stress). Cant wait to see you guys again.

  2. My dad fought cancer and eventually it caught him, but falling asleep on the couch to the Packer game and not waking up is not the worst way to check out. My son’s father-in-law is winning his fight with throat cancer. One of my son-in-laws is fighting ball cancer. Breast cancer happens more often than not on my mom’s side of the family. The list goes on.

    I am really happy to hear that this one has a happy ending. Out thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  3. Good news all the way. The power of prayer and faith and our puppy family will continue Walt, Brian, for all time! God Bless! BUCK S. NORT

  4. Walt, that is an incredible story. We are so glad that everything went well before, during and after the surgery. God speed my friend!

  5. WOW. Thank you so much for this outpouring of prayer and support. God is Great and His Mercy unbounded.

  6. Just got to talk to Brian. Doing fine and good spirits. Alien was the size of a nerf football. Bigger than a softball. Prognosis, excellent.

  7. That’s awesome! Now get better Brian and get back out there! Thanks and God Bless Walter.

  8. TWO YEAR UPDATE: Brian is cancer free. The tumor was so freaky that it appeared before the Oncology Board of Charleston S.C. It wasn’t attached to any organ but was free floating in his abdomen with a little fiber to feed it. Biopsy was a mixture of colon, bladder and kidney cells so the Board is writing this one up. Brian truly dodged a bullet this time. Get yourself screened today. People who Love you deserve it.

  9. Pingback: Frightdome 2013
  10. Three Year Update: Brian is still cancer free and going strong. On an ironic side note; Today is the first day I slept with my spanky new CPAP mask. It looks like Sleep Apnia won’t kill me off either.

    Gentlemen!! For Christ sake, go to the doctor and have that thing that’s been bugging you checked out. Do it for you wife, sweetheart, Lover or family. Do not let them look down at you in your casket and say “He was such a Manly Man”. Swallow your pride and go get that check up. Yeah, we know you feel fine. So what. There are plenty of things out there that will that will drop you where you stand.

    “He was so healthy just before he dropped dead.”

    Don’t make your family put that on your head stone.

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