Have you ever read “Skippy’s List”? Also known as “213 Things that Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the Army”. Not to be out done, I began “Chippie’s List” a while back. 111 things (and counting) that we did in the 313th Aircraft Maintenance Unit, Hahn AB, Germany. Things that really should not have happened. Every word is true. The names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent.
I really can’t believe I haven’t posted this gem before. So without further ado, I present for your reading amusement…..in no particular order……
1. When applying face paint you cannot imitate KISS.
2. Do not address the commander as “Mom”.
3. Do not use the phrase “This is all BULLSHIT!” during an Article 15 hearing.
4. Do not park your car in the ditch in front of the Security Police desk.
5. Opening a bar while the C-130 is in flight is forbidden.
6. You cannot run a bar out of your dorm room and undercut the prices at the NCO club.
10. When doing a maintenance run, it is not authorized to “run her up” to blow the softball back into play and there by ruin a perfectly good home run.
24. Back flips, dancing, sexual simulations or anything the Navy does are not authorized hand signals during a aircraft launch.
25. You will not pull anyone off of weekend duty to go play paintball.
38. Do not take newbies to Spanish Gay bars saying it’s just a regular Spanish bar and leave them there alone.
39. You cannot take members of other squadrons hostage and ransom them for beer.
48. Do not involve the Secretary of State during your unauthorized vacation to Sweden by declaring Diplomatic Immunity.
52. You cannot piss in the ditch next to your shelter and then direct the Ammo troops to take cover there during a Red.
63 Do not pick up the Officer’s rental car and carry it anywhere.
65. Jet engines will not be hung from the ceiling by cargo straps.
88. Never piss on the front door of someone’s apartment while waiting for a cab.
93. While on Nuclear Alert, never tell the undercover psychologist that there is no drug problem at Hahn, “We get all the drugs we want.”
95. When the undercover psychologist asks what your favorite MWR facility is, “My neighbor’s wife” is not the correct response. [ed note: MWR= Morale,Welfare and Recreation]
96. Dwarf Tossing in a Turkish bar is frowned upon.
During an ICT, do not park the jet so that it’s exhaust heats up a Mk 86 and spins up the fuse. Things become waaaaay too exciting.
111. At any reunion, you will not claim your extremely drunk friend is in diabetic shock to get a wheel chair from the casino/hotel staff.
Who was Chippie? What was Chippie? We could tell you. But then we’d have to kill you.