Thanksgiving Conversation Tips

Thanksgiving is that time of year when families gather around the table for awkward conversations. Here are a few tips to get through those moments with style and grace.

The Turkey tastes like sheet rock. “Pass the gravy please.”
If the gravy tastes like motor oil. “No thank you, this is delicious without it.”
If you sister begins to breastfeed at the table.  “That kid sure has a healthy appetite.”
Your brother shows up with a hooker. “That’s a lovely shade of red, bless your heart.”
Your ex shows up. “Come into the family room, the kids will LOVE to see you.”
Drunk Uncle Bob mentions Donald Trump. “Well, we won’t have to worry about that until next November.”
Uncle Jim mentions the New England Patriots. “The Pilgrims were the original patriots.”
Uncle Bob mentions the Carolina Panthers. “The panther is a fierce animal.”
Bob and Jim break into a fist fight. “Uncle Jim, can you say Grace?”
Grandson takes a shit. “A Mother’s work is never done.”
Son refuses to pray to “Zombie Carpenter”. “Let’s have a moment of silence.”
Niece whips out and brags about her new boob job. “Can you help me in the kitchen Dear?”
 Daughter screams and runs from the room.  “Our little girl is becoming a woman.”
Grandpa dies at the table. “Let’s move Opa to the sofa where he can be comfortable.”


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