Thanksgiving is that time of year when families gather around the table for awkward conversations. Here are a few tips to get through those moments with style and grace.
| IF… | YOU CAN SAY…. |
| The Turkey tastes like sheet rock. | “Pass the gravy please.” |
| If the gravy tastes like motor oil. | “No thank you, this is delicious without it.” |
| If you sister begins to breastfeed at the table. | “That kid sure has a healthy appetite.” |
| Your brother shows up with a hooker. | “That’s a lovely shade of red, bless your heart.” |
| Your ex shows up. | “Come into the family room, the kids will LOVE to see you.” |
| Drunk Uncle Bob mentions Donald Trump. | “Well, we won’t have to worry about that until next November.” |
| Uncle Jim mentions the New England Patriots. | “The Pilgrims were the original patriots.” |
| Uncle Bob mentions the Carolina Panthers. | “The panther is a fierce animal.” |
| Bob and Jim break into a fist fight. | “Uncle Jim, can you say Grace?” |
| Grandson takes a shit. | “A Mother’s work is never done.” |
| Son refuses to pray to “Zombie Carpenter”. | “Let’s have a moment of silence.” |
| Niece whips out and brags about her new boob job. | “Can you help me in the kitchen Dear?” |
| Daughter screams and runs from the room. | “Our little girl is becoming a woman.” |
| Grandpa dies at the table. | “Let’s move Opa to the sofa where he can be comfortable.” |
hahaha. These are so perfect.
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