It was a dark and stormy night. A group of drunken crew chiefs decided it would great fun to pinch a four foot fiberglass chipmunk off of the mini golf course at Incirlik AB, Turkey. Safely hidden in a wicker basket, Chippie was awaiting his place on a cargo pallet. It was then that the First Sergeant (an evil man, who did not belong to our squadron) found Chippie and returned him to the rightful owners.

A year later, we returned to Incirlik. By then, Chippie had become a squadron legend. An Airman, on his first TDY (forever known as my Assistant Crew Chief) saw Chippie on the mini golf course and said to the groundskeeper, “Is that Chippie?”. The groundskeeper asked, “Are you from Hahn?” In one of his smartest moments, Mike replied, “I’m from Spangdahlem.”

Thus alerted, the groundskeeper took Chippie from the course each night and locked him in the shed with the lawn mowers. The “Chippie Team” appeared to be thwarted.

My small contribution was to mention that a combination lock, identical to the one used on the shed could be purchased at the local base exchange. Team Chippie swung into action. They diked the old lock from the shed and nicked Chippie. As they left, they replaced the lock.

Chippie remained secure in the TAB-V’s for the balance of the TDY.  During which time, he was trained in various aspects of F-16 maintenance.

Doing forms.



LOX servicing.
Chippie was safely palletized and was awaiting loading into the C-130. It was then that the groundskeeper busted the caper. With squadron morale and esteem on the line, the pilots chipped in and bought Chippie.

This fact was kept secret for years.

Chippie came home triumphant. Riding in the suicide seat of the bus we had to use. He was ensconced on a shelf up high in the AMU admin shelter. During exercises, he worn an eye patch and was draped with a pirate flag.

When Hahn was closed, Chippie was kidnapped. He was repainted Gold, then Blue. In the last sighting he was painted gold, blue and orange. Where is he now? No one knows.
He has passed into legend.



The Best of Chippie’s List

Have you ever read “Skippy’s List”? Also known as “213 Things that Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the Army”.  Not to be out done, I began “Chippie’s List” a while back. 111 things (and counting) that we did in the 313th Aircraft Maintenance Unit, Hahn AB, Germany.  Things that really should not have happened.  Every word is true. The names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent.

I really can’t believe I haven’t posted this gem before. So without further ado, I present for your reading amusement… no particular order……

Chippie’s List

1. When applying face paint you cannot imitate KISS.

2. Do not address the commander as “Mom”.

3. Do not use the phrase “This is all BULLSHIT!” during an Article 15 hearing.

4. Do not park your car in the ditch in front of the Security Police desk.

5. Opening a bar while the C-130 is in flight is forbidden.

6. You cannot run a bar out of your dorm room and undercut the prices at the NCO club.

And Then….

10. When doing a maintenance run, it is not authorized to “run her up” to blow the softball back into play and there by ruin a perfectly good home run.

24. Back flips, dancing, sexual simulations or anything the Navy does are not authorized hand signals during a aircraft launch.

25. You will not pull anyone off of weekend duty to go play paintball.

38. Do not take newbies to Spanish Gay bars saying it’s just a regular Spanish bar and leave them there alone.

39. You cannot take members of other squadrons hostage and ransom them for beer.

48. Do not involve the Secretary of State during your unauthorized vacation to Sweden by declaring Diplomatic Immunity.
52. You cannot piss in the ditch next to your shelter and then direct the Ammo troops to take cover there during a Red.

63 Do not pick up the Officer’s rental car and carry it anywhere.

65. Jet engines will not be hung from the ceiling by cargo straps.

That’s 16.3 MIllion Dollars laying on the floor.

88. Never piss on the front door of someone’s apartment while waiting for a cab.

93. While on Nuclear Alert, never tell the undercover psychologist that there is no drug problem at Hahn, “We get all the drugs we want.”

95. When the undercover psychologist asks what your favorite MWR facility is, “My neighbor’s wife” is not the correct response. [ed note: MWR= Morale,Welfare and Recreation]

96. Dwarf Tossing in a Turkish bar is frowned upon.


During an ICT, do not park the jet so that it’s exhaust heats up a Mk 86 and spins up the fuse. Things become waaaaay too exciting.

111. At any reunion, you will not claim your extremely drunk friend is in diabetic shock to get a wheel chair from the casino/hotel staff.

Who was Chippie? What was Chippie? We could tell you. But then we’d have to kill you.

Read all of Chippe’s List here.