Sniper Advice

As we plod through our dreary lives, we inevitably are throw into awkward situations where we find ourselves needing to gracefully extract ourselves. Please consider these tried and true tactics:

When you’re late for work.
Say: “I was dodging Sniper fire.”

If someone notices the Band-Aid you’re wearing.
Say: “The Sniper almost got me.”

Your Mother-in-Law knocks on your door.
Do: Scream “SNIPER!” and slam the door.

You call in Sick.
Say: “A Sniper got me”.

When you’re bored at an office meeting.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!!”

When you’re pulled over by the police.
Say: “I was dodging Sniper fire.”

During periods of Erectile Dysfunction.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!”

When you find yourself embarrassing your wife in public.
Say: :”She was dodging Sniper fire.”

When you are caught lying.
Say: “I only thought I was dodging Sniper fire”.

When you burn dinner.
Say: “It was the Sniper fire”.

When you’re trying to impress someone.
Say: “I was a Sniper in Bosnia.”

When someone notices that nasty scar you have.
Say: “A Bosnian Sniper did that to me.”

When you fart.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!!”

No doubt you have other examples. Please add them in a comment.




Snipergate


Open mouth, insert foot, chew briskly. This is way better than the “Mission Accomplished” photo of President Bush. Hillary Clinton apparently dodged a hail of sniper fire on a 1996 trip to Bosnia.

In an attempt to bolster her foreign policy credentials, Senator Clinton was quoted as saying:

“We came in under sniper fire,” she recently told the press. “There was no greeting ceremony. We ran with our heads down, and were basically told to run to our cars.”

Here’s the video of her harrowing escape:


“I was moved up to the cockpit”
-Hillary, March 2008