Quotes from Michelle Obama’s Role Model

IF YOU HAVE WEAK, GIRLY FEELINGS YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR SAFE PLACE AND CRY INSTEAD OF READING THIS.

michelle-dickMichelle “Mike” Obama has named this person as a “One and only Queen Bee.  Thank you for being a role model for young girls around the world”

Here are some quotes from the Queen Bee:

  • Can you lick my Skittles, it’s the sweetest in the middle
  • Pink is the flavor, solve the riddle
  • I can’t wait till I get home so you can turn that cherry out
  • First both of my legs go back on your head, and whatever you want, yeah baby, I’m bad
  •  Yeah, he’s so horny he wants to fuck
  • He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse
  • He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown
  • Hand prints and good grips on my ass
  • Gimme that daddy long stroke
  • I’m gonna kiss up and rub up and feel up.Kiss up and rub up and feel up on you.
  • I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love
  • So come gimme a hug, if you into gettin’ rubbed
  • Goddamn, she murdered everybody and I was her witness
  • Middle fingers up, put them hands high

Michelle had tears in her eyes when she told America how horrible Donald Trump is.  Fuck that.  We’re electing a President not a husband.  Speaking of husbands, has Bill Clinton raped anyone this week?  He’s the real low-life shit in this election.

I’ll let the Loyal Readers name who this “Role Model” is and feel free to add more quotes.

 

 MICHELLE OBAMA’S ROLE MODEL

 

 

Shit That Falls Out of My Mouth

I’m working on a list of the “Socially Charming” things I’ve been known to say out loud. Feel free to quote me on things you’ve heard me say.

“You will be a lot less angry once you come out of the closet.”
“You think. Don’t you?”
“No, I’m not a Nazi, but my Mom was”.
“Are you thinking? You want a pillow and lay down? ” I know it hurts the first time.”
“Why don’t I repeat myself and use little words this time.”
“No, the fat makes you look fat.”

“Of course I’m fat. If you look closely you can see ex-wives and girlfriends impacted on the surface.”

“In goes the Good Air. Out goes the Bad.”

“Fell down? Did you not compensate for Earth’s rotation?”

“Who died and left you in charge?”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“And you’re saying this because……?”

“If you want, I can act dumber so that we’ll have something in common.”

“Not now, the grown ups are talking.”

“Hi? Not now, maybe later. Thank you for asking.”

“I’m an Only Child. Sharing is someone Else’s problem.”

“I promise to be nicer if you promise to be smarter.”

“No. You’re LYING.”

“Don’t make me drop a house on you.”

“Here she comes in her pick-up truck shaped broom.”

“I know how you feel. No….Wait…yeah that was gas.”

“Well let’s just blame you, shall we?”

“The Truth hurts huh?”

“It wasn’t my fault. It the girl’s fault. My Dad said it’s always the girl’s fault.”