COVID-19, also known as the Corona Virus is spreading like rumors that you are a slut. Here are some handy bits of info to help you survive the 2020 pandemic.

• Do not touch anyone.
• Do not touch your face.
• Wash your hands at least five times a day.
• Use hand sanitizer every time you touch something.
• Make your own sanitizer with aloe vera gel and alcohol.
• Stay at home.
• Wear a mask.
• Use bleach on your door knobs.

• Never open your front door.
• Avoid having sex.
• Only eat canned food and only after you sanitize the can.
• Drink as much alcohol that you can tolerate to sanitize your internal organs.
• If you must go out, burn your clothes upon your return.
• Forget using toilet paper. Instead, shower every time you poop.
• Wash your money.

• Rain spreads the Corona Virus.
• Try to get every one you know arrested.
• Push “sketchy” family members out the door.
• Sanitize or kill your pets.
• If you don’t have rubbing alcohol, make sanitizer with aloe vera and gasoline.
• Avoid being abducted by aliens.
• Shave all hair from your body.
• Shave the pets you want to keep.
• Give sleeping pills to your small children you so they no longer want to play outside.

• Make cleaning you guns a family activity.
• Fire bomb your car.
• Destroy your television and any device that connects to the Internets.
• If a family member coughs, murder them and burn their body.
• Kill yourself to prevent infection,