Is Queen Elizabeth II Circling the Drain?

qe2

After being hospitalized, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will being “resting at home for another two weeks. Is this how the Palace is managing her impending death?

At 95, Queen Elizabeth is the longest reigning British monarch. Behind the scenes there is a huge plan to deal with her death under the code word LONDON BRIDGE. It will be put in motion with the code phrase LONDON BRIDGE HAS FALLEN.

In these last hours, the Queen’s senior doctor, a gastroenterologist named Professor Huw Thomas, will be in charge. He will look after his patient, control access to her room and consider what information should be made public. The bond between sovereign and subjects is a strange and mostly unknowable thing. A nation’s life becomes a person’s, and then the string must break.

The Guardian

How will the Public Find Out?

  •  Governors general, ambassadors and prime ministers will learn first.
  • The Palace staff will wear black arm bands, but not in public.
  • A footman in mourning clothes will emerge from a door at Buckingham Palace, cross the dull pink gravel and pin a black-edged notice to the gates. 
  • The palace website will be transformed into a sombre, single page, showing the same text on a dark background.
  • At the BBC, the “radio alert transmission system” (Rats), will be activated – a cold war-era alarm designed to withstand an attack on the nation’s infrastructure. Rats, which is also sometimes referred to as “royal about to snuff it”, is a near mythical part of the intricate architecture of ritual and rehearsals for the death of major royal personalities that the BBC has maintained since the 1930s. 
  • Every TV and radio station, down to hospital radio, has prepared music lists made up of “Mood 2” (sad) or “Mood 1” (saddest) songs to reach for in times of sudden mourning. Regular programming will be suspended.
  • When programming resumes it will be only news. The newsreaders will wear black suits and black ties.
  •  Listeners to Radio 4 and Radio 5 live will hear a specific formulation of words, “This is the BBC from London.
  • On the old boundary of the City of London, outside the Royal Courts of Justice, a red cord will hang across the road. 
  • At 9am, Big Ben will strike. The bell’s hammer will then be covered with a leather pad seven-sixteenths of an inch thick, and it will ring out in muffled tones. 

Long Live the Queen

royal_family

As a long time Anglophile, this post has been a long time coming. When my first wife and I divorced, we didn’t argue about the kids, or the money. We argued about who got the Chuck and Di dolls. I was with my family, watching a AAA baseball game in Las Vegas when she died.

chuck and Diana dool

So without further ado, I present to Loyal Readers, some trivia of the House of Winsor. Some are true. Some are flights of humor. It will be up to you Loyal Reader to sort them.

  • The Royal Family is German.
  • The code word for the Queen’s death is LONDON BRIDGE.
  • Because Prince Charles is related to Vlad the Impaler, it is rumored that HRH is a vampire.
  • The wedding of Charles and Diana is the most viewed televised event in World history.
  • Princess Anne’s wedding cake was made by the Royal Army Caterer Corps.
  • During the London Olympics, Princess Anne presented her own daughter, Zara a silver medal.
  • Princess Anne is the only member of the Royal Family that has a criminal record.
House Rules
  • Two of Queen Elizabeth’s Aunts were diagnosed as an “Imbecile ” and an “Idiot”.
Katherine Narissa
Edward and Wallis
King Edward VIII abdicated the Throne to marry the commoner, Mrs. Wallis Simpson.
  • Wallis Simpson was both a commoner and a divorcee. Therefore, Edward was forbidden to marry her.
  • Prince Charles married the divorcee Camilla Parker-Bowles.
  • Prince Willian and Prince Harry have both married commoners.
  • It is rumored the the Queen approved marraige to commoners in order to “prop up” the Winsor gene pool.
Queen Elizabeth II
  • Queen Elizabeth wears garish colors so that her security detail can easily see her.
  • The Royal Armor Group provides security for the Queen and Royal Family.
  • The RAG has a color code for the Queen’s clothing that determines her current mood.
Diana Alive in Crash
Diana was assassinated on orders from the Queen.