Twas the Night Before Christmas

Read on Loyal Readers, you haven’t heard this one. Yeah, I wrote it.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS WHEN ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE,
THE AC WAS BLOWING, CUZ THEY LIVE IN THE SOUTH.

THE FAMILY WAS ALL SEATED, THE TV IN STAND BY,
IN HOPES THAT EACH GET; THEIR FAIR SHARE OF WI-FI.

THE CHILDREN ON SNAP CHAT WITH ALL OF THEIR BUDDIES,
WHILE MOM AND DAD FACEBOOKED, ALMOST COOL AS THE KIDDIES.

MOM POSTED SOME PICTURES, AND DAD WAS JUST BITCHING,
THEY ALL SETTLED DOWN FOR A LONG NIGHT OF CHATTING.

WHEN OUT OF THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER,
YET NO ONE SPRANG UP TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

AWAY TO THE WINDOW THE CAT FLEW LIKE A FLASH,
TORE OPEN THE CURTAINS AND SLASHED DOWN THE SASH.

THE MOON ON THE CREST OF THE GRASS THAT NEEDS MOW,
WAS ONLY FOR JELLICLE CATS FAR BELOW.

WHEN, WHAT TO NO ONE’S WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR,
BUT A MINIATURE SLEIGH, EIGHT TINY REINDEER.

WITH A LITTLE OLD DRIVER, SO LIVELY AND QUICK,
BUT NO ONE WOULD BOTHER TO SEE IT WAS SAINT NICK.

MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES HIS COURSERS THEY CAME,
AND HE WHISTLED AND SHOUTED; HE CALLED THEM BY NAME.

BUT EAR BUDS AND HEAD PHONES DID DEAFENED THE HOLLER,

SO NO ONE COULD HEAR THIS TINY, LOUD CALLER.

 

 

“NOW DASHER! NOW DANCER! NOW PRANCER AND VIXEN,
“ON COMET! ON CUPID! ON DONNER AND BLITZEN!

AND THEN IN A TWINKLING, THERE WAS ON THE ROOF,
THE PRANCING AND PAWING OF EACH LITTLE HOOF.

AS CATS HISSED AND PISSED AND SCATTERED AROUND,
DOWN THE CHIMNEY SAINT NICK, HE WENT WITH A BOUND.

HE WAS DRESSED ALL IN FUR, FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FOOT,
A SACK OF THEIR PRESENTS WAS THERE AT HIS FOOT.

HE SPOKE NOT A WORD, HE TUGGED AT HIS BEARD,
HE SAW THEM ALL READING; HE SAW NOBODY CARED.

AND LAYING A FINGER ASIDE OF HIS NOSE,
WITH ALL OF THEIR PRESENTS, UP THE CHIMNEY HE ROSE.

AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT, NONE HEARD HIM EXCLAIM,
“I CHANGED YOUR DAMN WI-FI; YOUR PASSWORD WAS LAME.”

HERE’S THE REAL POEM.

merry-christmas-400

 

Barry Sanders Shows TOTAL Ignorance of the US Military

Barry Sanders posted on the Huffington Post a rather entertaining piece criticizing The U.S. Military about how “green” it is. The ignorance displayed in the article is stunning to say the least. Does anyone in the media do research anymore?

I’ll grant you that the DoD uses a lot of gas. Tanks, aircraft, ships, trucks etc. etc. On the positive side, they recycle almost everything possible. Try throwing a printer cartridge in the trash. They monitor their environmental impact like Nazis. For example, at the Air Force Base I work at, we cannot use soap on the vehicle wash rack because it will put soap in the water system. Through the MSDS program, the storage, use and disposal of hazardous chemicals are monitored right down to the Windex for the bathroom mirrors.

Oh yeah, smoking is prohibited in any building used by the DoD. So there!

I don’t even understand why the comments about Navy SEALs are in context with subject of the piece. Throw in a shot at Blackwater and the obligatory “Bush is Bad” diatribe.

I call on readers to comment on any other stupidity they’ve noticed in the article. Please comment.

Read the article here.

A Sample of Sanders’ Inaccuracies:

The USS Independence was decommissioned in 1998, four years before the voyage to the Gulf that Prof. Sanders recounts with such impressive detail.

The F-111 and F-4 combat aircraft were removed from the inventory two decades ago.

The CVN USS Abraham Lincoln only has “guns” for air defense. Since there have been no air attacks on her the ordnance expended by her “guns” is zero.

The Apache helicopter is flown exclusively by the US Army not the US Air force.

“Of all the branches, the Air Force uses the most fuel.” Sorry Barry, I think the Navy has us beat on that “factoid”. Ever try to gas up a destroyer?

To sum things up, you’re full of shit Barry.