OUR HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE

christmastown

Valerie is a beautiful young lady works for a powerful advertising agency.  With her job on the line, she is given the mission to travel to the corporate headquarters of a major account.  She is to renew their account before the end of the year.

While traveling by car to the client, she is engulfed by a terrible blizzard.  In the blinding snowstorm, she crashes her car.  She is unhurt but there is no cell coverage so she cannot call for help.  Wearing only yoga pants and a light jacket, she has resigned herself to freezing to death when a handsome stranger drives up in a fire engine red 1957 Chevrolet pick up truck.  He offers to help her, and she accepts.  He drives her home to a small village just a few miles down the road.

The town is festooned with Christmas decorations which she learns are kept up year-round. It is aptly named “Christmastown”.  The innkeepers of the Christmastown Inn are an elderly couple.  Sam is a short balding, man with more than a couple of extra pounds who sports a full white beard.  His wife is Martha who has an equally ample figure.  They offer Valerie a room but seem to forget to charge her for it. 

The next day Valerie calls her boss to tell him of the accident.  He is unforgiving and tells her she must make the pitch before January or she is fired.  Martha suggests that what she really needs is a nice breakfast and directs her to the town diner just down the street.  The warmth of the diner in inviting as she settles in a booth to read the menu.

Just then, the handsome young stranger walks up and introduces himself as “Dylan”.  As he sits down, he orders two hot chocolates with marshmallows and peppermint sticks. He skillfully deflects any question Val has about his background.  While she complains about being so cold, the diner’s cheerful waitress says that the General Store has all that she needs. 

The garage calls and the cheerful mechanic says her car will not be fixed for days. 

With a visit to the General Store Valerie is soon decked out head to foot with the latest in a practical, stylish, sexy, flannel outfit.  The cheerful storekeeper welcomes her to Christmastown with the solemn warning not to go out at night.  The store does not seem to charge her as she leaves to explore Christmastown.  There is a banner stretching all across the street announcing that the Christmas Festival is coming on December 24th.  Dylan explains that the town is excited about the Christmas Festival.  Some townsfolk are making even more decorations, and some are collecting toys for the nearby orphanage.  He himself is in charge of getting the sleigh ready.  Valerie is surprised to find out it is a real sleigh and joins Dylan.  Decorating this and painting that. 

As Christmas approaches Valerie spends her days helping Dylan with the sleigh and her nights trying to think up a presentation for her client.  Her nighttime walks in the woods are relaxing but she does start to notice shadowy figures darting form tree to tree. She starts having feelings toward Dylan but is afraid that there is no future in them.

Out of the Blue, Valerie’s ex-fiancée shows up and demands they rekindle their romance.  He wants to whisk her away from all this drudgery and marry her in the small European city state where he is a Prince.  Dylan feels totally cock blocked and does not want Valerie to help him on the sleigh anymore. He has fallen in Love with Valerie and the asshole keeps lauding Val over Dylan by walking arm in arm and kissing her.  Ona nighttime stroll, Dylan emerges from the woods and confronts the couple.  He confesses is love for Valerie.  Asshole Prince decides that now is a good time for a fist fight.  Valerie’s tears turn to horror as Dylan transforms into a Windago in Reindeer form and pulls the Prince apart limb from limb. 

The next day is Christmas as Valerie searches for Dylan to tell him she is in Love with him too.  As night falls there is music and food and dancing in the streets.  The sleigh is in the town square loaded with presents for the poor little orphans.  She sees Dylan standing by the sleigh but before she can go to him the Client pops out of the crowd demanding to see her presentation.  She is stunned to see him with his staff and her BOSS!  She gives the Client an ad-lib presentation based on Christmas and giving and Love.  He thinks it is great and renews his contract with her ad agency.  Her boss gives her a promotion and invites her back to the city. 

Dylan emerges from the crowd to tell Valerie that he Loves her and wants to marry her.  She confesses her Love for him and joyfully accepts his proposal.  They kiss as the crowd parts again and Innkeeper Sam walks up.  He is wearing an awfully expensive Santa Suit.  The townsfolk respectively remove their hats and Val is shocked to see that everyone is sporting pointed ears.  Even DYLAN!  Sam climbs into the sleigh and addresses the townsfolk.   “CHRISTMAS IS HERE! HO! HO! HOI”.

There is a blinding blue flash, and eight tiny reindeer appear.  The Sleigh sparkles with light as it hovers off of the ground and then dashes into Christmas Night. 

“That’s my Dad,” says Dylan as the couple embrace in a long kiss and the townsfolk cheer.

WHY WE LOVE HALLMARK MOVIES

Woman Married Train Station

It’s been a while since I’ve posted so I’ve decided to lead with this little bit of trivia.

Carol Santa Fe, 45, from San Diego, California, claims she has been in love with the Santa Fe train station since she was nine years old.

Carol takes a 45 minute bus ride to the station every day to spend quality time with her beloved building.  Although their marriage is not legally binding, Carol states they tied the knot in 2015 – and celebrated their one year anniversary last Christmas. Like any blushing bride, she took her partner’s last name.

She identifies herself as an objectum sexual – a person who is sexually attracted to inanimate objects and structures.

This is not a fake story and I am not judging. If Carol is in Love and wants her partner to have….um….flood insurance, of course they have the right to marry.

Other Love Stories

 

A Korean dude named Lee Jin-gyu actually married a pillow printed with his favorite anime character, Fate Testarossa.

Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the concrete structure in 1979.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer, whose fetish is said to have its roots in childhood, claimed she fell in love with the structure when she first saw it on television when she was seven.   She began collecting “his” pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she has a full, loving relationship with the wall.

 

Erika La Tour Eiffel is an U.S. Air Force veteran who claims to be married to the Eiffel Tower. She had also been in love with an archery bow (named Lance) and a sword before that. Erika had a wedding ceremony with friends in 2007, promising eternal love to the monument and legally changing her name. But it’s not easy being married to a tourist attraction, on top of the fact that she lives across the globe in San Francisco. Also, Erika says, “There is a huge problem with being in love with a public object. The issue of intimacy — or rather lack of it — is forever present.”

Pennsylvanian Miss Amy Wolfe has been courting a roller coaster called 1001 Nachts for over 10 years. She’s been on the ride over 3,000 times and plans on changing her surname to Weber after its manufacturer. Of her bond, Wolfe says, “I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever. I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally.” She says she is not jealous that others can ride 1001 Nachts and she sleeps with a picture of the roller coaster on her ceiling and carries its spare nuts and bolts with her to feel close. It’s far too easy to make a joke about carrying your husband’s “nuts and bolts.”

If you’re like me, this should be enough of this micro-society.  Feel free to profess your undying Love of the structure in your life below in the comments.