Wal Mart Greeters

Twenty years from now, people will look upon the  Wal Mart Greeters as an iconic landmark of these days.

Wow. Did I construct that sentence correctly? Whatevers…   Seriously..we’re going to miss those sweet old people.  I always give them a sincere greeting back.

“Hi Hank.”

“How’s it going Lucy?”

“What’s for dinner?”

“That Look”.

That last one is one of my favorites because they give “That Look”.  I always thought it was the pre-Alzheimer’s confused look but a friend pointed out it may also be “What a weirdo” look as well.

They stand there so proudly.  It’s hard to resist the urge to fuck with them.

Can I get an AMEN??

Wouldn’t be fun to come up behind  them on your way out, pop ’em one to the back of the head and yell “WAKE UP!” ??

Over the top huh? How about telling them their shift is over and they can go home?

Hand them a bottle of Alieve .

Walk in with a beer and when they try to put a sticker on it say “No, it’s yours. Enjoy.”

Walk in and insist they put a sticker on your child. I had one do it spontaneously once. Weird.

Then there’s The Buzzer. the one that goes off when you’re stealing something trying to leave. Then the Greeter gets all Gestapo on you and wants to see your papers.  Next time the buzzer goes off, drop to your knees, put your hands behind your back and scream “DON’T SHOOT” or “DON”T TAZE ME BRO” whatever seems to fit the occasion.

I once accidentally (I swear) pulled an old receipt from my wallet and confused the shit out of the poor lady.

Try that on your next trip.




The Great Drier Quest

Last week started with my drier taking a dump.  It had been making clunky noises but when it smelled like fire I shut the sucker down.  Thus began The Great Drier Quest. I cruised the internet for prices and ideas. Saturday it was SHOPPING DAY. I’m pretty much touchy feely when it come to appliances so ordering direct from a web site was out.

It then turned into a Death March. From Lowe’s to Home Depot to Best Buy and then back to Home Depot. I need an electric drier and everyone else in Vegas uses gas ones. Big Fucking Hooey. Electric ones could be ordered directly from the warehouse or Depot or web site whatever.  Lowe’s even offered to deliver free out to the boondocks where Lucky Puppy HQ is based.

This started at 9am and by two I was beat.  God was telling me not to buy a drier and I wasn’t listening. I decided to retreat and lick my wounds.

Sunday dawned bright and early. I was resigned to the laundry-mat. Armed with a roll of quarters and two shiny new baskets from Wal Mart I loaded up and went to the laundry-mat for the first time since 1998 when our washers broke the last time. That was a pickup truck full of laundry for four kids and us.  Two baskets worked just fine today (Thank You).

After 90 minutes of unairconditioning and 103 degrees of Summer I drove my laundry home.  It was then I noticed the neighbor had three washers in his driveway.  I stopped, “Any of those a drier?” I asked. “Yeah…two of them”.

Apparently the Wife wanted matching washer and drier which left the old drier “Odd Man Out”.

“What’s wrong with it?”, I asked.


“WOO HOO!…New Drier Time”.

Two friends and a pick up truck later I have a new drier for way less than Home Depot was going to get.

New Drier.

Old Drier (good bye old friend)

Moral of the story: There is a God and She likes me.