How Much Trouble Can a Kid Get Into, Again

How about assault with a deadly weapon?

 

Josh was in the second grade at good old Indian Springs School.  He got RPC’ed.  that Required Parent Coverence for you single types.  His big brother Tony (10) was coaching him on his first RPC.  Tony could go a whole week without skipping a RPC.

“Just walk up and give him the paper.”

“He’ll start screaming, but don’t flinch.”

“When he done screaming he’ll talk to you.”

Don’t say nothing but “yes sir.”

“Listen real hard because he’ll say stuff that you’ll have to remember.”

 

So with trembling hands, Josh approached me in the Dad’s Chair.  Mom had already told me.  I took the letter.  Read it.  Then said, “Dismissed”.  Josh fled with relief.

“That was bullshit”, Tony said later.  “He didn’t yell or nothing.”

 

Joshua had been indeed charged with assault with a deadly weapon.  The weapon of choice?  A cookie.

Our school in IS went from kindergarten to the 12th grade all in the same spot. “Thunderbirds” were our mascot.

Josh was at lunch and they were serving these big ass cookies.  A good six inches around.  Sitting across from him was a little girl from his class.  Throwing down his best come on line, well second best.  His best was that he’d point to his eyes and say, “My eyes are blue.”  Anyway, in this case he said, “I bet you can’t eat that cookie in one bite.”  Trying not to disappoint, the girl took on the challenge.  I’m sure you ladies have similar stories.  In bars.  Needless to say she cacked it back up on her tray.  Horrified, she didn’t know what to do.  A janitor saw her plight and came to the rescue. He picked up her tray and took it away.

 

A lunch guard  monitor saw this go down and reported Joshy to the Dean.  The Dean was a bitch   angel with the demeanor of a Gestapo Agent professional.  By the time the story got to her, it had turned into Joshy pinning the girl to the table and stuffing a fucking cookie down her throat.  I’m sure that’s possible, but not in this case.

 

You never get to use the  “asinine” in a business letter, but I did.  When I attended the RPC, I handed the Dean the letter.  I informed her to read carefully because the next thing she’d say would be a career altering moment in her life.  She did read it carefully.  When she looked up at me, she reached for that the RPC paperwork and the report and torn it up.

 

Good Move.

The original,

HOW MUCH TROUBLE CAN A KID GET INTO?

 

Slug Bug Don’t Slug Back

Jamie, Rosie and I play Slug Bug all the time.  But there are rules.

  1. Car lots don’t count.
  2. The neighbor’s bug doesn’t count.
  3. The color has to be accurate.  Mint not Green.
  4. Never slug the driver.

THE SCORING

Regular Bug, one point.

 

Extra point for a convertible.

 

Beat up Bugs score two points.

 

Two points for a new one.

 

Three points for a van.

Yeah, they don’t count.

QUIZ

How many points? What color?

Special Bugs score three points.

We also play Cell Phone Slug Bug if we spot one alone.

Rosie writing 2005
Rosie

I taught my daughter, Rosie to play to get her to count in her head without fingers.  She kept track relentlessly. We played one game for over a year.  Final score, Dad= 87, Rosie=127. I cheated too.  Sometimes I’d call Slug PT Cruiser.  I called Slug Truck in a Walmart parking and she nearly beat me unconscious before we got to the door. See rule number one.  I also called Slug Fat Chicks and she beat me for that stunt. As she got older I’d call Slug Hooker. Come on man, it was Vegas.  She refused to play but at least she didn’t throw hands.

 

Slug Hooker, don’t slug back. Brown.

Hair color, asshole. Although Slug Hooker Black scores points too.

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