A Trip to Pahrump


It was December and my wife and I had just bought a Mercury Cougar from a co-worker.  We lived in Indian Springs, Nevada and with no insurance or registration, I was gun-shy about being pulled over in Vegas traffic.  Pahrump was about the same distance as Vegas, so we decided to get insurance and registration at the Pahrump DMV. We left the kids at a babysitter and headed out.

Our car was silver.

We left Indian Springs around three o’clock.  We drove north on highway 95 and took a left for highway 160. The trip to Pahrump took about on hour. We them got our insurance and registration and started to head home.   We stopped at the Albertson’s to get diapers and formula for our baby girl.

We left Albertson’s at 1700.  Night was falling and as we “went over the hump”, cars coming down at us were using their high beams and this was pissing me off.  We crossed the cattle guard that marks the opening of the Antelope Valley, set the cruise control to 65 mph and headed East on highway 160.


We had been driving for about a half an hour when another asshole with their high beams came up from behind.  The light was so bright that it actually hurt my eyes in the reflection of the rear-view mirror.


“What?”, the wife asked.

“Another asshole with their high beams on.”, I replied.

The wife turned around and said, “It’s a cop.”

“Yeah, it’s got the Blue Light Specials on. He’s passing us.”

I looked to my left to see the cop pass and the wife said,

“No, he’s passing on my side.”

There was nothing but open desert on her side of the car. I looked to the left and the whole car lit up with a blinding white light. All I could see was her big 80’s hair, the back of the bucket seat and my blind side on the right. The light flashed for a second or two and was gone.  We were alone again and barreling down the 160 at 65 mph.

“That was weird.”

“Yeah, but it was a cop.”

“How do you know that?’

“Because I saw the blue lights and the headlights.”

“You’re saying, it passed us in the dirt?”


“With its headlights on?”

“Yeah, they were pointed at us.”

“You’re saying this cop passed us on the dirt, sideways at 70 mph?”

“Yeah. It must be a new kind of SUV. I’m calling the kids.”

She punched buttons on her cell and said,

“My phone is acting funny.”

“Funny how?”

“There’s no signal and the time is wrong.”

I looked at the clock on the dashboard and it was blinking 12:00. I then looked at my watch and it said, 1810.

It was then that I got an inkling of what happened.  The wife was still droning on about her SUV.

“If we go into Vegas, I’ll find one on a car lot and show you.”

“You’re not going to find one.”

“Do you know what kind it was.”

“Yeah, it was a Pleiadean.”

“A what…whatever.”

We soon made it to highway 95 and hung a right to Indian Springs.  We both felt sleepy tired.  Her period had stopped, and she had little, nasty bumps all over her arms, legs and neck.  She had also grown her “horns”.  Now, you might think her horns are weird.  I think they are weird.  However, she gets them from time to time and her doctor says they are due to stress.  Whatever, Google it.

We walked through our front door at 1922.  All safe and sound.  The trip from Pahrump and taken two and a half hours without stopping the car.  The wife went right to bed and I stayed up for a little while.  I was excited.  I knew we had been abducted and for me it was the first time someone else was with me. 


Our trip to Pahrump happened in December and from then until March, my wife was pissed at me.  Every time I napped on the couch or stretched out in bed; she would scream at me to “get off my lazy ass”.   In her eyes, I could not do anything right.  Every time I broached the subject of UFO’s she would get pissed.  She also said she was having nightmares about “Blue Kangaroos”. 

In March, we were stopped at a red light waiting to hit the on ramp back to Indian Springs when the wife spoke up.

“I’m not going to be afraid of Blue Kangaroos, they don’t exist.”

As I turned on to the on ramp, I got a flash of a memory.

“There were three of them,” I said.

“Yeah, but how do you know what’s in my dreams.”

The 40-minute trip back to Indian Springs was in silence as I thought of what I would do next.

When we got home, I sat her down at the dining room table.

“I’m going to tell a story,” I told her.  “Feel free to add anything you want.  If you think this is bullshit you can get up and walk away.”

“Okay”, she said slowly.

On a piece of copy paper, I started to draw.

“This box is our car.  The headlights are on and both doors are open.  The left wheels are just barley over the yellow line at the side of the road.  I am lying flat on my back and am wide awake but can’t move.  This big thing to the right of the car is the big ass light you saw. You lean over me and say,

“You look up and suddenly haul ass into the desert on the right side of the road.”

“Then, quick as a flash, three blue creatures come from here and chase you into the desert.”

She looked at the drawing for a long time.  Then she snatched the paper and said, “Gimme the pen.”

She started to draw.  When she was done, she shoved the paper back in front of me.

“Yeah, you were lying there doing NOTHING!  There were three other lights on the other side of the road.  Yeah, there were three Kangaroos, but they didn’t come from here, they came from here.”

“Is this another light?”, I asked pointing to a blob on the right side.

“No, that’s the cactus the bastards ran me into.”

Perfectly-Planned Wedding Prank


Infidelity is particularly common for couples who spend long periods apart. One man ensured he got the last laugh – at his ex’s wedding, of all places.

Dino began to suspect his wife was cheating while he was working on an oil rig far from home – so he forced her to expose her true rotten nature to those closest to her.

As fellow oil riggers described him, Dino “was a really nice, quiet guy, and unlike some of the hard-partying guys on the crew, he didn’t blow his money as fast as it came.” Dino was smart, making good money and saving it, too. He didn’t show off his success like a spendthrift and invested instead in a condominium he paid for in full. The only thing missing was a woman to enjoy his success with. Unfortunately, the woman he picked ended up being a backstabber.

Dino’s friends referred to this woman by some names we don’t want to repeat, but elsewhere she was called Andrea, so we’ll stick to that. According to Dino’s friends, she was an extremely beautiful woman, apparently to compensate for her awful personality. “Centerfold hot” was how they described her, while Dino was “a bit ordinary-looking, and kind of shy.” Maybe physically she was out of his league, but personality-wise it was he who was the steel in the relationship.

Most of Dino’s friends were proud of him for landing such a hot woman, but one of them was slightly more suspicious. According to him, she “raised the hair on the back of my neck.” Once he got to know her a bit better, he said he discovered she was “one of the most self-centered, attention gathering people I had ever met.” Hindsight is 20/20, and he didn’t have the ability to foresee what would happen, yet the warning signs were most certainly there…

While working off shore, Dino trusted Angela to “hold the fort” while he was gone. According to his friend, things seemed a bit off when Dino looked into his bank account. He had left Andrea a card so she would be able to take care of herself while he was out of town, and something odd showed up in his bank statements. “He was seeing stuff on his bank statements,” Dino’s buddy recalled, “like a $300 grocery purchase, and then another $200 grocery purchase a couple of days later. Either she was eating $500 worth of groceries a week or she was pumping cash-backs from the grocery store into her purse.”

It was becoming increasingly clear to Dino that his wife was a gold digger.

The bizarreness of Andrea’s behavior made Dino start to suspect that she might not be remaining faithful. After all, she had ample opportunity to maintain an affair when he was away, not to mention having access to his money. So Andrea was very possibly betraying him twice over. Dino was smart, though, and made a plan. “He arranged for his relief to come out a few days early and flew back home,” his friend said. Dino’s strong suspicions would be confirmed, but things only went downhill from there.

As it turned out, Dino’s instincts were right on the money. He had a pretty decent idea of what would be waiting for him at home, so he asked the condominium association’s security guard to come up with him to be a witness. Andrea didn’t expect him home for a couple more days, so when Dino entered with his witness out of the blue it caught her completely by surprise.

She was caught red handed with her Lover.

His Pride and Joy

A 1987 Chevy Monte Carlo SS

Besides the condo he owns, Dino’s pride and joy is his white Chevy Monte Carlo. After the divorce, he returned home from another stint at the oil rig. Instead of finding his car in tip-top condition, it had been damaged: “Four flat tires, a smashed windshield, and a can of red paint had been poured over it.” Security in his garage wasn’t too tight, so “there was no proof, but it didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out.” Mess with a man’s car and you’d best beware.

Andrea had just done something that Dino would never be able to forgive. Another, more brash man would hit her back where it hurts immediately, and Dino had ample opportunity, but he was patient.

Two Years Later

About a month before the wedding, Dino sends an anonymous letter in the mail. In the envelope was a picture of a Monte Carlo, a wedding dress, and a ketchup packet. There’s a single sheet of paper, with three words: “Red on White.” If you thought Dino would just turn the other cheek, you were sorely mistaken. He hadn’t forgotten what she had done to his car, and neither had she. He was going to get his revenge, and with this cryptic message, she knew it.

The note was enough to make Andrea worry about her pure white wedding dress. A friend of his had given Dino a little piece of information that she had heard from her sister: the name of the store where Andrea was getting her dress. Dino went to the store “and asked the guy if he wants to make an easy hundred bucks. All he had to do is call Andrea, and tell her that they need her to come to the shop and choose the red lace trim for her gown.

Andrea showed up 20 minutes later, freaking out, and demanding to know what this was about,” Dino’s friend continued. “The guy said he got a call from her fiancé and ordered the red lace for the dress. Andrea knew that it wasn’t the fiancé,” and she had a pretty good idea of who was behind this sabotage. She was freaking out with good reason; his staining her white dress red wasn’t a matter of “if” to her, but rather a matter of “when.” She was spooked.

This wasn’t where it would end, though. “Dino had about 30 different red lipsticks sent to her house from a variety of Amazon sellers, all paid from prepaid credit cards.” She wasn’t able to trace them back to him, but she knew. As if this psychological torment wasn’t enough, Dino then had a red sharpie placed under her windshield wipers for her to find one fine morning. By the time of the wedding day, she was a complete wreck, expecting to be sprayed by red paint at every turn.

She needed to do something. She had her father call Dino at work to talk him into backing off, but when Dino explained what she had done to him and to his car, the father became really ticked off at Andrea. Indeed, there seems to be some sort of “man code” that says you don’t mess with another man’s automobile. You just don’t do it, and it cost Andrea the support of her father ahead of the wedding day.

Dino had never planned to do anything to her at her wedding. Indeed, he had to make sure the guests could witness everything. He turned her into a Bridezilla, and Nancy, who was invited, kept him updated with a running commentary as the night progressed. It was legendary.” Before all of those closest to her, she exposed herself to be an erratic and paranoid person that was demanding everyone bend over backward every time there was the slight possibility her dress would get stained red. In the end, the only thing stained was her reputation.

If she had just kept her mouth shut and not gotten her father involved, he never would have learned what she had done to Dino. Before long, everyone learned firsthand just how self-centered and selfish she was after she behaved like a monster at her wedding. Dino didn’t need to do much, just make some arrangements for her to be freaked out that something bad was going to happen. As for the rest, he could just let her do it to herself.