President Obama predicted the landfall of hurricane Earl by declaring North Carolina a disaster area while the storm is still out to sea. The president hoped to bolster sagging polls in North Carolina by punishing non-believers with a Flood. Governor of North Carolina, Bev Perdue (D) and the Governor of Virginia Bob Mcdonnell also declared their states disaster zones.
To prepare for Earl, driving regulations have been suspended in North Carolina and Virginia. Tourists have been urged to move “a little inland” while leaving their cash and valuables in their rooms for “safekeeping”. Sea turtle nests have been scooped up and moved to safety. Sharks have been left to their own devices. FEMA has issued a Stage One Zombie Alert fearing that Zombies will come ashore on the storm surge.
The Navy destroyer, U.S.S. Cole has been ordered to leave North Carolina and sail for it’s home port in Virginia. Naval Officials failed to notice that VIRGINIA is also slated for destruction right after North Carolina.
In a late breaking news item, Maryland has announced its desire to be a disaster area like North Carolina and Virginia.