The Ballad of Jeb Bush

You know the song, sing it!


Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jeb
Poor Texas boy barely kept his chauffeur fed
Then one day he was looking at some news
And up through his head came a bubbling clues
(Votes that is, electoral gold, Texas Style)

Well the first thing you know old Jeb’s a governor
Kin folk said Jeb move away from there
Said the White House is the place you oughta be
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Ankeny
(Iowa that is, primary voting, corn dogs)

Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Jeb and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
Donald Trump kicked his ass with  brutal personality
You’re all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of his poli-tic-ca-ly
(Undocumented Americans, that’s what we call ’em now,
Nice folks. Y’all come vote now, ya hear?)

Quotable Quotes from Hillaryland

“Fuck off! It’s enough that I have to see you shit kickers every day. I’m not going to talk to you, too. Just do your goddamn job and keep your mouth shut.” -to Arkansas state trooper bodyguards (American Evita, p. 90)

“You fucking idiot.” -to a state trooper who was driving her to an event. (Crossfire, p. 84).

“That sorry son of a bitch.” -what Hillary would often refer to Bill around the Arkansas’s governor’s mansion, according to state trooper Larry Patterson.

“Where’s the miserable cock sucker?” (otherwise known as “Bill Clinton”) Hillary shouting at a Secret Service officer. From the book “The Truth about Hillary” by Edward Klein, p. 5

“Personal, trained pigs.”-Hillary describing Secret Service. (Unlimited Access, p. 90).

“Get fucked! Get the fuck out of my way! Get out of my face!” -Hillary, overheard by Secret Service details. (Hillary’s Scheme, p. 89)

“Stay the fuck back, stay the fuck away from me! Don’t come within ten yards of me, or else! … Just fucking do as I say, okay!” —to Secret Service agents who were committed to protecting her life (Unlimited Access, p. 139).

“What the fuck is going on?” -to a Secret Service agent after she read an article by a UC Berkeley student critical of Chelsea Clinton who was subsequently interrogated by the Secret Service (, 11/26/97).


“If you want to remain on this detail, get your fucking ass over here and grab those bags!” Hillary to a Secret Service Agent who was reluctant to carry her luggage because he wanted to keep his hands free in case of an incident. From the book “The First Partner” p. 25

“Motherfucker. Cocksucker.” -favorite names for husband (Boy Clinton, p. 278)

“You goddamn stupid fucking fool.” —to Bill (, 07/15/00).

“You fucking asshole.”-to husband on Inauguration Day (Hillary’s Choice, p. 223).

“You stupid motherfucker.” -another Inauguration Day salvo (The Seduction of Hillary Rodham, p. 321).

“Gentlemen, I have looked at your proposal, and it’s pure bullshit! Now you’ve had your meeting! Get out!” -First Lady to health insurance executives after a meeting in which they presented their proposal for health care reform (Unlimited Access, p. 8Cool.

“What the fuck are you doing up there? You get back here right away.” -on the phone chastising Bill because he had floated a health care reform proposal that differed from hers (The Survivor, p. 118). As always, one must wonder who elected her, anyway?

“Come back here, you asshole! Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”-to the president when he tried to avoid her (Unlimited Access, p. 192).

“How could you be so damn stupid? How could you do that?”-to her hubby, our president, at the White House in front of guests, after he had done something of which Hillary disapproved (U.S. News & World Report, 02/05/96).

“You stupid fucking moron. How could you risk your presidency for this?-to Bill when the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke in January 1998 (, 12/09/01).

“Fuck him, Bill. He’s Reagan’s goddamn vice president!”-to Bill in response to an invitation from Vice President George H.W. Bush to come to his home in Maine, circa 1984 (Crossfire, p. 69).

“That’ll teach them to fuck with us.”-to aides, immediately following her “Vast right-wing conspiracy” charge on national television (The Case Against Hillary Clinton, p. 162).

“The sorry damn son of a bitch.”-Hillary’s reaction upon being informed that Bill was missing from the governor’s mansion in the middle of the night because “he had gone for a drive” (Inside the White House, p. 240).

“You are a real shit, do you know that, Bill? Christ, a real shit.” -another fight of many fights with Bill (Bill & Hillary, p. 132).

“Come on, Bill, put your dick up. You can’t fuck her here.”-to husband, then Governor, after catching him talking to an attractive woman at a political rally (Inside the White House, p. 243).

“You sold out you motherfucker. You sold out!” -Hillary to attorney Joseph Califano (Inside: A Public and Private Life, p. 213).

“I want to get this shit over with and get these damn people out of here.”-Hillary overheard on the Arkansas governor’s mansion intercom as preschoolers posed on the mansion lawn for a photograph (The First Partner, p. 192).

“Just keep smiling until these assholes get their pictures.”-instructions to her husband while they were posing for photographers (American Evita, p. 114).

“She’s a short, Irish bitch.”-regarding The New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd (New York Post, 07/25/00).

“You fucking Jew bastard.”-honoring campaign manager Paul Fray’s rich religious heritage on the night of Bill Clinton’s defeat for the House of Representatives in 1974 (The State of A Union, p. 153).

“You all remember Mahatma Ghandi. He ran a gas station down in St. Louis.”-said during a speech at a
Democratic fundraiser (CNN, 01/04/04). Senator Clinton was later forced to apologize.

“I can’t think of any.” -response to Dick Morris when asked to name some defects or weaknesses she could improve in order to soften her negative public image (Shadow, p. 335).


“Where is the God damn flag? I want the God damn fucking flag up every morning at fucking sunrise”. Hillary to staff at the Arkansas Governor’s mansion on Labor Day 1991. From the book “Inside the White House” by Ronald Kessler, p. 244.

“Put this on the ground! I left my sunglasses in the limo. I need those fucking sunglasses! We need to go back!” Hillary to Marine One helicopter pilot to turn back while in route to Air Force One. From the book ” Dereliction of Duty” p. 71-72