If you asked in conversation whether or not I believed in Horoscopes, I’d say no. A fellow stumbler sent me a site and the first Horoscope was witty enough to make me look mine up. What do you know? Here it is:
ARIES [March 21–April 19]
For all we know, in your past life you were a virgin who was thrown into a volcano to appease a fire deity. But whether or not that’s an actual fact, we can say this with certainty: At some time in your current life, you made a great sacrifice in an effort to pacify a person whose anger or violence or manipulativeness you were intimidated by. Now I say unto you, Aries, that it’s an excellent time to fix any distortions that were unleashed in your life because of that sacrifice. You’ve got the personal power and insight you need to set the healing in motion. Halloween costume suggestions: the mythical phoenix; a virgin-turned-warrior carrying the severed head of the fire deity; a fireman, firewoman, or firedancer.
Pretty telling since my divorce was final today.
SCORPIO [Oct. 23–Nov. 21]
Don’t eat stale candy from a vending machine where it has sat for six months. Don’t seek advice from people who haven’t changed their minds about anything since the last century. And don’t wear clothes you acquired before 2005 or cling to attitudes you adopted before last month. Catch my drift, Scorpio? You need to evade every influence that tends to keep you frozen in the past. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it’s time to make yourself fully available for the healthiest kind of future shock. Halloween costume suggestions: a grinning exclamation point, a rosebud about to burst open, a welcome sign, a religious devotee dressed in white.