Last November my daughter got a laptop. She’s ten years old and this is 2010, so she was due. I didn’t buy it, “Uncle Andy” did as an early Christmas Present. We bought it on Black Thursday. My first Black Thursday as a shopper. It was okay.
I had to tell you that so I can tell you this. Rosie’s laptop died last Tuesday. Her new school is entirely online (yes, she’s that smart) so Mom wigged out and called me. I was trying to troubleshoot the problem over the phone (like Radio Shack taught me to do). Apparently it didn’t turn on any more. I was getting all this from Rosie when Mom called. She wanted me to “Man Up” and offer to pay half of the repair/replacement cost. I tried to get a word in edgewise. The word I was trying to slide in was “Warranty”. My efforts failed miserably. After suggesting I masturbate, Mom hung up.
I called her sister. She confirmed that Mom had been “Wigging all day about this”. Also she informed me that Mom was out on the town trying to fix or replace the lap top. I asked if she could be headed off at the pass and come home before too much money had been spent.
Rosie informed me that her lap top was still broke and the Family had a new “Family Computer”. I asked her why Mom just didn’t let her use Mom’s lap top. Rosie said “Cuz”. Oh. Okay.
Got an energetic voice mail from Mom suggesting that I had not “Manned Up” fast enough and it was my fault that she did not hear me say “warranty” the other day. In my defense, I also mentioned “Service Plan”. The message included a suggestion that I anally pleasure myself.
Rosie brings me her lap top. I plug it in and ….nothing. My Radio Shack training kicks in and I wiggle the power plug. The blue “I’ve got power plugged in” light flashes on and off. “AH HA!!” By tipping it sideways and holding the plug in it’s “Special Place”, I get the thing to boot up.
Suspicion moves to the charger. The receptacle on the lap top is fine but the plug is loose as shit.
Armed with this info and the serial number I call Hewlett Packard Support. Haji in India says that my 180 day warranty has expired. I say that I have a year warranty and he tells me to go fuck myself in that overly polite way that Tech Support Indians are famous for. I call Sam’s Club. Linda in Texas says that Haji is full of shit in that overly polite Texan style. “Tell him that the date he sees on his computer is the day HP sold the lap top to Sam’s Club not that day you bought it”. She also suggests I bring up the sticker advertising a year long manufacturer’s warranty on the bottom.
I call Haji back. I told him that I was definitely not completely satisfied on my last phone call and that he better get me a manager. Dave the manager comes to the phone. I suspect he doesn’t live in India. He says I have to reply to his email with a copy of my receipt and he’d FedEx me a new charger.
I sit here blogging while awaiting the FedEx Dude. Life is Good.