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The Air Force Chicken Crosses the Road

Here are some of my favorites….

C-130 crewmember:
Just put it in back and let’s go.

C-17 crewmember:
I ordered a no. 4 with Turkey and ham, NOT chicken. Besides, where the heck are my condiments?! We ain’t taking off til’ I get my condiments!!!

Fighter dude:
The Chicken was only in the road for 30 seconds. There was no hazard. I saw my shot and I took it.

Navigator Dude:
What road?

Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

Air National Guard:
Due to a BRAC closure the Chicken was forced to cross the road. The Chicken is authorized full Per Deum and Travel Expenses while crossing the road. Upon crossing, the Chicken will be assigned to the Turkey Wing and assist them with preparations for their upcoming Operation Thanksgiving deployment.

Congress:
We voted for the chicken to go onto the road. We support the Chicken while it’s in the road. We want a definite time and date that the Chicken will be off the road.

Air Demonstration Squadron:
The Chicken crosses the road, maintaining minimum separation with five other chickens, while a groovy soundtrack plays in the background.

Operational Test and Evaluation Squadron:
The chicken first crosses the road normally. Then crosses back while hopping on its left foot. Then it crosses a third time, but this time hopping on it’s right foot. Then entire procedure is repeated at night.

Aggressor Squadron:
Four chickens disguised as ducks hide beside the road and pounce on any chicken they see crossing the road.

Aircraft Maintenance:
The chicken was scheduled to cross the road, so we greened up three spares, including the phase chicken. When it came time for the chicken to cross the road, he ground aborted at the side of the road, came back, and stepped to a spare, which he also ground aborted. Before the chicken could step to the third spare he missed his road crossing window. Maintenance supervision blamed the incident on bad housekeeping and made the entire AMU show up on a Saturday for open ranks and formation marching, to make sure the importance of the chicken crossing the road was pounded into our skulls.

UCAV:
Chicken remotely operates “Un-chickened Crossing Assessment Vehicle” which performs actual road crossing. Chicken still gets ”road crossing pay” and makes required gates.Chicken AFCOS mandates that we can no longer used the term UCAV. Now redesignated NPCAV.

NPCAV: Non-Poultry Combat Aerial Vehicle.

Here’s the entire list.


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