True Humor in World War Two

At one point in the Italian Campaign, the U.S. Army Air Force built a dummy airfield to confuse the Germans and get them to attack it instead of the nearby real airfield. The Germans saw it and dropped dummy bombs on the dummy airfield.

 

Two British columns were passing by each. Field Marshall Montgomery being in the lead of one of them. As they passed each other, Montgomery saw a British soldier come to attention wearing nothing but a top hat. The soldier formally bowed and doffed his hat to his Commander. Montgomery was incensed and immediately issued a stern warning.

“Members of this Command are forbidden to wear top hats.”

 

“When a silver airplane flies over, it’s American. When there’s a green airplane, it’s British. When there are no aircraft, that’s the Luftwaffe.”

– German Soldier

“Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners’ faces. So Goring says: ‘Why don’t you jump?'”
Don’t laugh too hard though – a German factory worker was reportedly executed for telling this one.

One of my Dad’s friends was a radar operator and he, with his unit, were sworn to secrecy. They even had to use an anonymous unit name. When the secrecy was lifted they were permitted to use their real unit identity. In need of new equipment, he identified himself as belonging to the First Sydney Radars. The term was unknown and the QM said, “Why don’t you blokes call yourselves commandos like everybody else.”

US General Douglas MacArthur

General MacArthur was talking to a private:

“Have you come here to die?”

“No sir, I came here yester-die!”

A popular song in the German Army.

 

After the Germans defeated the Americans in their first meeting at the Kasserine Pass, Axis Sally started playing a familiar song from World War One on the radio.  Familiar but with different lyrics.
Over there

Over there

Well the Yanks are running

The Yanks are running

The Yanks are running over there.


Singer, Actor, Comedian Mickey Rooney was trained as a sniper in the U.S. Army.  During the Battle of the Bulge, Rooney did “Jeep Tours” at the front lines.  Joking with fellow G.I.’s and raising spirits.  However in an interview, years later Rooney admitted, “Sometimes I’d sneak off and ply the trade the Army taught me.”

Mickey Rooney in World War Two

American Runners would carry messages from one command to another.  A common practice was to hide coded messages in empty bullets with the slug jammed in backwards.  With millions of bullets in use the secret bullets were needles in a hay stack.  If captured, the runner could easily ditch the message.  Recently, one of those bullets was found in Italy.  WW2 enthusiasts decoded the message.  It read:

THEY – THROW – GRENADES – WE – PULL – PINS – AND – THROW – BACK

 

 

 

My Mom’s Last Story

My Mother went to her grave saying, “Hitler was a Good Man.  He was like Nixon.  He had bad advisors.”

Before I get into this it might be a good idea to read this post.

I’m not a Nazi, But My Mom Was

Mom told stories to me all my life.  I became a World War Two historian to prove she was a lying Bitch.

“Have another scotch Mom. Tell me another story”

One by one, I learned that she was telling the truth.  She was a farmer’s daughter living in Insterburg, East Prussia.

Insterburg, East Prussia

THE FIRST STORIES

She was very proud of Insterburg.  They had the first panzer division.  The first Stuka squadron.  The first SS division. Come on Mom, how could all these “firsts” happen in your farm village.  Well for one, Insterburg was a city of  41,230 people in 1933.  East Prussia was separated from Germany after World War One.  It was far from the prying eyes of the Versailles Treaty.  A perfect place for Hitler to covertly convert  glider clubs into Luftwaffe squadrons.  The first panzer units were formed there.  In fact the Panzer I was based on a  Soviet design.

THE HARD ONES TO PROVE

Hitler had the Bomb

Mom always said the German scientists made the first Atomic Bomb.  That the one dropped on Hiroshima was a German design.  In 1982, Mom was dying of cancer and had six months to live. She came to see me in Texas.  Through the booze and the drugs, she tried desperately tried to get through to me. One of the last things she told me was:

“Wherever you go.  Whatever you do.  Remember, Mein Hut hat Drie Ecke.” 

Sure Mom, your hat has three corners. Whatever.

This story put in the bullshit pile until Christmas 1998.  My good friend Andy knew I liked UFO’s and Nazis and gave me a book that combined the two.  The book was Reich of the Black Sun– Nazi Secret Weapons and The Cold War Allied Legend”.  Nazi UFO’s, yeah yeah. Whatever.  Nazi time machine, yeah, yeah.  Whatever.  Then I turned the page and my life changed.

What the Hell?

Not only that but it was tested in the Baltic Sea off of East Prussia.  Everyone in East Prussia had a story about how the sun came up one night.  Even my Oma (Grandmother), a staunch Weimar Republic woman had her own story. Have you ever wondered why the Americans tested the second bomb and not the first?  They already knew the first one worked.

[fvplayer src=”https://youtu.be/Vih9eVVCMMM”]

All Our Ammunition was Sabotaged

When the Russians attacked Konigsberg they had to abandon the city.  Mom said that they had enough troops and enough guns to defend the city but all the ammunition was sabotaged.  I didn’t believe this one.  How can you sabotage train loads of ammunition.  But then I watched “Schindler’s List”.

MOM’S LAST STORY

Here we come to Mom’s Last Story.  The biggest whopper of them all.

The Holocaust was Allied Propaganda

This is NOT about Holocaust denial.  I know the Holocaust happened.  I did not understand what Mom was telling me.  From her perspective.  Just last year, I figured it out.  While researching Hitler’s stolen art, I came across a video explaining that the movies and pictures of the Holocaust were made by the Allies.  At General Eisenhower’s direct order.

Watch this:

This scene is completely accurate.  Faced with the dilemma of all these liberated prisoners in many different  countries, the Allies were swamped and did not have the resources to simply free the prisoners.  Along with the food issue many camps were infected with Typhus, Cholera, Dysentery and other deadly diseases that simple could not be allowed to escape.

After the war, the prisoners kept dying.  Eisenhower’s photographers took pictures as the bodies stacked up. Ike then published those pictures and said they were of Nazi origin.  That this is exactly what soldiers found when they liberated the camps. The logical thing to do was to reopen the ovens but that was forbidden.

Mom was right 90% of what is taught today is Allied propaganda.

Now look at these pictures and think of what you see.

The Allies dug mass graves and buried the dead.  Standard Operating Procedure.   I ask you to do what I did.  Go look at Holocaust pictures of the camps.  Try to see the difference of genuine Nazi pictures, what they did  and Post War Allied pictures.  Do not be deceived when you see German soldiers burying the dead.  That was work the German POW’s and civilians did.