Mc Hatin’ It

Excluding the stuff they try to sell in Japan, here are some things you might have seen on the McDonald’s menu.

Originally banned from McD’s,, the McDog snuck back into the menu when Ray Kroc died.
Still a big hit in Canada.


Onion nuggets were the perfect side for the McBeefsteak. Probably one of McD’s best sandwiches, it killed itself by being sold for a whopping $1.49 when a burger was 49 cents.

A full sized family pizza was McDonald’s attempt to break into the dinner market.  It was just as good as everyone else’s pizza.  However the long cook time had customers not McWaiting for it.

Mighty Wings were good but died because other wings were better.

 

Died a quick death in California.

THE SECRET MENU

If you ask for it, they’ll make it for you.

The Apple Pie McFlurry
McNapolean Shake. You can ask for it built horizontal as shown or vertical.

 

S.E.A.L. Burger.

Not just for frogmen, this monster burger combines beef from the land, fish from the sea, and chicken from the air.

(No shit)

Not so hungry?  Ask for a McGangBang instead. We dare you.  We double dog dare you.

The McKinley Mac

If they don’t know it by name, just ask for a Big Mac with Quarter Pounder patties.

Before calling the McPrimerib bullshit, you might like to know that Boston Market is McDonald’s.

 

Real Job Application

This is an actual, real, honest to goodness job application.  Read on Loyal Readers.

 

NAME: Jeremey Skitt
SEX: Not yet but I’m waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I was worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? If “felony” is sex with a cat, then no.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL PROBLEM THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 POUNDS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOUR RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE? Only when on fire.
WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living on Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THYE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Mr. Skitt was applying to a job as a Ronald McDonald.  He got the job.