Stories the Air Force Doesn’t Want You to Know

You might think these stories are Urban Legends, but they’re not. 

THE ETHER BUNNY

Hahn AB, West Germany back in 1989.  We had what we called the “Ether Bunny” running around base.  This story comes to you with one degree of separation.  I was hanging in the day room and there was a young airman in distress.  He was all upset.  He wasn’t moving around the pool table too well.  Being the professional NCO, I asked him what was wrong and could I help.  He said he was new to Hahn, fresh out of Tech School.  The previous weekend he was at the club and met some guy.  This guy was buying rounds and soon the 18 year old airman was God’s Own Fucked Up.  But this dude was cool and made sure the airman got back to his dorm room.  The next morning, Sunday, airman wakes up and is God’s Own Hung the Fuck Over.  He’s all sore and having a hard time walking.

Then things got worse.  A discharge started to come out of his ass.  Thoroughly freaked out, he made his way to the ER.  It was determined that the discharge was……………..cum.  

Apparently, the rapist got the idea from the Urban Legend.

He wasn’t the first and wasn’t the last victim of the Ether Bunny.  As more victims came to light, it seems that the M.O was to get the victim drunk at the club.  Get him back to the dorm, make damn sure he’s knocked out by doing the old ether on a rag trick and ass rape him.  No women were involved.  OSI zeroed in on the folks at the hospital but I never heard that he was caught.

HOME MOVIES

My friend was a S.P (Security Police) at Spangdahlem AB.  He showed me the report of a murder in their Base Housing.  The victim was a Senior Master Sergeant.  When the S.P’s arrived, they found the victim hog tied feet to neck.  The hands were tied behind the back and the body was wearing a very fashionable leather hood.  The kind that have lumps of clay where the eyes go and is put on wet so as it dries it gets tighter.  The case was solved almost immediately, because they rewound the tape in the VCR camera on the tripod.  The couple, two men, were playing tie me up and beat me games when the beat-ee passed out.  The other guy, another senior NCO, fled the scene. Naked.  Arrested at work the same day. 

THE TOASTER

T-38A
T-38A Talon with the speed brakes down.

We were stationed at Laughlin AFB, Texas.  The wife and I liked to play tennis and one day we used the courts across the street from the O-Club.  It had trees that cut down the wind.  We were playing when I heard shots ring out.  We grabbed our toddler and got real flat.  I was afraid we might get hit as a full fledged gunfight broke out.

There was a big field between the O-Club and the Student Dorm.  The Student Dorm was where all the Lieutenants learning how to fly lived.  This is where the gunfight was going down.

It all started in the Student Dorm when two officers (two men) decided to play tie me up and beat me games.  At some point the beat-ee didn’t want to play and the safe word wasn’t doing shit.  Being a resourceful officer, he picked up a toaster and crushed his boyfriend’s head. 

Someone called the cops because of all the noise.  When the Lieutenant heard the sirens coming he fled into the field.  Naked and armed with a handgun.  The gunfight broke out between him and the cops and ended when he ran out of bullets.  He got the Death Penalty at Leavenworth.

THE EGRESS SHOP

When I was stationed at Kunsan AB, South Korea 80-81 and worked in the Aero-Repair shop. We called egress to pull the seat and some civilians from Hill AFB came out.  From them I learned where the Egress Shop went. 

The S.P.s sent the dogs through the Egress Shop and caught the folks smoking Dope right there at work.  The O.S.I homed in on the Airman that was selling the marijuana.  They wanted to know where he was getting it from.  He said he’d tell them but first he wanted to say he was sleeping with his shop supervisor and it was he who called for the dogs to visit swing shift.

Half the shop went away for smoking shit and the other half went to jail for poking shit. Cue the egress guys from Hill.

 

ZULU ALERT

Zulu Alert is Air Defense Alert.  F-15’s were sitting Zulu at Kandena AB, Okinawa. It gets lonely on alert.  A pilot and his MALE enlisted Crew Chief were caught doing the nasty inside the intake on a F-15.  When this went public all the pilots started wearing the squadron patch wherever they went.  The pilots of the squadron of the couple had rockers made for the squadron patch that read, “I’M NOT THE ONE”.

 

 

VERY HOT MIC

George AFB, 1978ish….. It was a dark and stormy night.  The flight-line was as quiet as it gets when flying is cancelled.  We all all cozy in the expediter van when someone gets on the radio.   Two girls, I’m sorry WAFs, I’m sorry again Female Airmen down in Blue Section were talking.  One of them was bragging about her boyfriend.  No one dared to call a hot mic while she droned on about what sex acts she liked in minute detail. The other one then chimed in on the sexual prowess of her lover.  Imagine about a 100 guys all leaning into the radio speaker trying not to miss a word.

Behind the scenes, the husband of one of these sexy ladies was rushing down to the flight-line to get the name of the guy she’s fucking.  At the same time, said guy was rushing over to Blue Section to tell her to shut the fuck up.

The two NCO’s met each other outside of the Blue Section expediter truck.

Fisticuffs erupted.

 

DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENTS

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Legend of 666.

Ever worked on or fly and aircraft with 666 as a tail number? Weird shit happens.

 

Kunsan AB, South Korea, FEB 1981. We had an F-4D 666 and the crew chief named it “Damian IV”. In big red letters across the back of the shelter he had painted in huge red letters, “WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF DAMIAN”.

 

 
A weapons load crew was setting up to do functional checks on a SUU-23 gun pod on the centerline station. The jammer driver shoves a screwdriver in the nose landing gear up lock switch so the airplane will enable firing voltage to the gun. Power is applied. The two man turns power on in the jet. Ground Jettison Enabled so the weapons system will work like the jet’s in flight. Master arm on.
The Weapons Expediter is sitting in his truck right in front of the Hardened Aircraft Shelter. Number two selects up the gun and squeezes the trigger to the second detent as the crew chief realizes the drive motor and firing leads are still connected and he sees the flywheel spinning up…

 
Blew the expediter truck (and NLG) away. Killed one in the truck but the driver survived.

 

 
Oddly enough, I can’t find a reference that this aircraft existed at all. But I know it was there because it took a good shot at killing me. In the winter of 80/81 I was working Aero Repair and 666’s stab was “sticking”. It was impounded for flight control problems. Day shift worked it and couldn’t find anything. Swing Shift…. Nada. Ssgt Larry Welch and I on Mid Shift went out to do a “One Pound Check” on the stab.

 
Since it was impounded everyone was there. The expediter, AGS Super, Quality Control and Safety. It was a herd of Zebras.

 

B1 stands for sale on ebay of all things.
B1 stands for sale on ebay of all things.

I was the junior Ssgt so Larry was in the cockpit and cycled the stab to the up position. I removed the hydraulic power and left the mule running. I was on the B-1 stand in the back with the QA guy. We were on headsets so it went like this:
Me: Confirm zero hydraulic pressure.
Larry: Zero on all gauges.
Me: Confirm with flight control movement.
Larry: Cycling stick.
Me: No movement confirmed.

 
I then disconnected the stab actuator and attached the one pound weight. The stab moved down as advertised, no problem. QA gave me a thumbs up. We then went through the whole hydraulic power thing again. With my wrench safety wired to my sleeve and my head against the fuselage I reconnected the actuator and had just started the nut when I heard I loud hissing noise. This was air being forced through the system by hydraulic power.

 
I threw myself back like a bat out of Hell knocking the QA down the stand. The stab cycles itself back to neutral. Larry is now standing backwards in the front cockpit screaming if I’m alright. My headset was turned sideways and I’m screaming in the ear piece that I’m alright.

Then it got quiet as the mule was shut off. I threw down my headset and said, “Who did that?” The expediter raised his hand. It was loud and one of the Msgts told the expediter to turn off the mule. The first step is to kill the fluid flow. But since I had already done that, when he turned the valves all 2000 psi came rushing back. The hissing sound I had heard.

 
I calmly walked down the stairs. Walked over the expeditor and slammed him by the collar into the side of the shelter. “YOU STUPID, STUPID MOTHERFUCKER. YOU ALMOST GOT ME KILLED!!!!” A total of 20 stripes were present and nobody said a word. I went to our truck and sat there calming down while Larry policed up our shit.

 
Driving back to the shop Larry said that he’d learned something today.
“Never to fuck with Walt.”

 

 
Do you have a “666” story? Put it in the comments.