Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Q: What’s white and flies across the English Channel?
A: Lord Mountbatten’s tennis shoes.

Q:What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A:Gaelic.

 

Q: What do you call the day when all the Irish skip work and spend the day drinking?
A: Tuesday.

Q: What’s two miles long and has the I.Q. of 12?
A: The Boston Saint Patrick’s Day Parade.

For years and years and years my Dear Father put money in his IRA, and for years and years and years I told him “Put your money in a fucking bank”.

Q:How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

A:None.

Q: What’s an Irishman’s idea of foreplay?

A: Crushing his cigar butt on her thigh and saying,” Brace yourself Bridgette..I’m coming.”

Where does an Irish family go on holiday?

A different pub.

 

What do you call an Irish fan at the World Cup?
Lost

What’s Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O’Furniture.

British nursery rhyme: 1 potato, 2 potato 3 potato, 4! 5 potato, 6 potato7 potato, more!
Irish nursery rhyme: 1 potato! FUCK!

How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Fuck it, we’ll drink in the dark.

I met a gay Irish couple the other day.
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick .

 

 

 

 

ERIN GO BRAUGH!!!

Up the Rebels and keep those dirty little Protestant children off the streets.

Japan Earthquake/ Tsunami Jokes

We here at The Lucky Puppy try to hold ourselves to higher standards of kindness and understanding. We have therefore refrained from publishing cheap jokes at the expense of the people suffering in Japan…..until now.

I just rung my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay and all he did was go on about his social life.
Just kept going on and on about a huge rave.

Q: Will a nuclear tragedy in Japan harm the United States?

A: It didn’t the last time.

Today’s Headlines- “Relief aid delayed as Japanese Defense Force wastes time looking for Giant Lizard”.

MSNBC ANNOUNCES- Japanese Earthquake was George Bush’s fault.

Sky News – “Japanese airports are full as hundreds of foreigners are fleeing the country…”

Maybe Arizona needs an earthquake…

BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND  TWO  NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN

The last time they sent “Nuclear Experts” to Japan, they killed 105,000 people…

Worried about my Japanese friend following the recent natural disaster, I tried his mobile and – miraculously – I got through.

I must say, I was surprised to hear him going on about a massive increase in jobs being created in Japan…something about a “new career explosion”?

Finally. A natural disaster in a country I don’t have to give money to.

There is no excuse for Japan not getting a medal in Swimming at the 2012 Olympics.

Q: What’s the difference between the Tsunami in Japan and Hurricane Katrina?

A: The Japanese aren’t shooting at the rescue helicopters.

AND LAST BUT PROBABLY THE BEST BECAUSE IT WAS TRUE…..

CNN-“Twittersphere Flooded by #Tsunami Tweets.