HUNTING JOKES

Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, “Boy am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for hours.” The second deer hunter said, “That’s nothing, I’ve been lost for a week.”

My friend and I went hunting in North Carolina, and ending up shooting him twice.

I thought he was a duck.

After I shot him once he shouted that he wasn’t a duck.

But, come on … that’s exactly what a duck would have said.

I’ve just returned home from a Bear hunting holiday in Canada.

Next time I’m going to do it wearing clothes, I’m frostbitten all over.

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks its because she’s cute with big brown eyes.
Actually it’s because I would like someone to shoot her mother.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip.

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘You forgot to account for wind. Give it here’, he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells “We got him!”

Canadian TV host, Steve Ecklund, has come under fire for killing a cougar on a hunting trip. Social media users have declared him as being sick, disgusting and selfish, causing him to receive over 900 dislikes and 13 death threats on Facebook.
Fucking right too, what an absolute cunt……
Courtney Cox was on my fucking bucket list.

Two Good ‘ol Boys were hunting in North Carolina.  When one takes a terrible fall and his buddy calls 911.

911: “See if he’s dead.”

[911 operator hears a gunshot]

Hunter: “Okay. Now what?”

A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, “So I hear you hunt, Dear.” 

“Nope….ducks.”

Two hunters in deer camp woke up in the middle of the night. “Look at the stars… what a splendor,” said one hunter. “Yeah but what do you think happened to our tent?” said the other.

A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear about your aim,” said the Pastor, “It’s a sin for you to hunt any time.”

 

 

 

 

We Honor Helen Keller

We at the Lucky Puppy refuse to let Helen Keller to fade from American history.

 

The Texas Board of Education voted on Friday to remove  Helen Keller from the mandatory history curriculum in Texas schools.  Helen Adams Keller was an American author, political activist, and lecturer. She was the first deaf-blind person to earn a bachelor of arts degree.

 

 

 

HOW DID HELEN KELLER DRIVE?

ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AND THE OTHER ON THE ROAD

WHAT WAS HELEN’S FAVORITE COLOR?

COURDAROY.

WHY WAS HELEN’S LEG YELLOW?

HER DOG WAS BLIND TOO.

WHY DID HELEN MASTURBATE WITH ONE HAND?

SO SHE COULD MOAN WITH THE OTHER.

HOW DID HELEN’S PARENTS PUNISH HER?

THEY REARRANGED THE FURNITURE.

I bet you didn’t know that Helen Keller had a swing set in her back garden?
Neither did she!

What do you call Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis?

Endless love.

Helen Keller walks into a bar…..

Then a table…..

Then a chair.

Image result for helen keller memes

HOW DID HELEN BURN HER FACE?

ANSWERING THE IRON.


HOW DID HELEN LEARN TO MASTURBATE?

BY READING HER OWN LIPS.

IF HELEN KELLER FELL IN THE WOODS, WOULD THERE BE A SOUND?

HOW COULD HELEN FIND HER BABY?

BY NOT CHANGING THE DIAPER.

WHY DID HELEN KELLER CROSS THE ROAD?

WHAT ROAD?

WHAT’S HELEN’S FAVORITE STORE?

WAAAAAA  MAAAAAART.

WHAT DID HELEN KELLER’S GYNECOLOGIST DO?

INVITE HIS BUDDIES OVER TO WATCH.

 

HOW DID HELEN MEET HER HUSBAND?

ON A BLIND DATE….DUH.

WHAT WAS THE WORST DAY IN HELEN’S LIFE?

SHE BURNED HER TONGUE SO SHE COULDN’T TASTE ANYTHING EITHER.

The Space Shuttle Challenger

Today is the anniversary of the Shuttle Challenger explosion.

challenger-shuttle disaster

 

 


Why did the NASA engineers want to postpone Challenger’s launch?

They wanted to wait for the Fourth of July.


What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts.


What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband before she boarded Challenger?

While I’m gone you feed the kids and the dog ans when I get back I’ll feed the fish.


Contrary to popular belief, Felix Baumgartner wouldn’t be the first person to break Mach 1 in freefall – he’d be the 8th after the entire crew of the Space Shuttle Challenger in 1986……..


Christa’s eyes were blue.

One blew this way and one blew that way.


Why did the crew of the Challenger die?

NASA couldn’t afford a Blaupunk stereo AND a back up escape system.


judith-resnik-and-christa-mcauliffeMy girlfriend said she wanted to be the woman to get fucked on a Space Shuttle.

I think the girls on Challenger beat her to it.



 

Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?

Ocean Spray – It was their second choice because they couldn’t get 7-UP.


What does a sea lion and  the Challenger have in common?

They’re all looking for a tight seal.


What did the kids watching the Challenger launch scream?

“NO HOMEWORK!!!!”


What’s the difference between the Patriots and the Challenger?

The Patriots made it past Miami.


 

What About the Columbia?

What goes up and doesn’t come down?

Columbia.


NASA now stands for Need Another Shuttle Again.


What does the Shuttle Columbia and Ted Bundy have in common?

They both left bodies in four different states.


The Sheriff in Midland, Texas found a severed penis in the middle of Main Street.

He immediately identified it as a Shuttle Cock.


NASA determined that the Challenger and Columbia crashes are connected.

The shuttles are blowing up in alphabetical order.


What should you do if you find a piece of the Space Shuttle Columbia?

Sell it on eBay.


Why aren’t NASA engineers good at crossword puzzles?

They couldn’t get seven up or seven down.


Why can’t the Republican’s keep politics out of the Columbia investigation?

They keep blaming it on the left wing!


What did the crew of Columbia miss while they were in orbit?

The Runway.


WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

The “Last Words” from Challenger.

Click to enlarge.