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Stories the Air Force Doesn’t Want You to Know

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You might think these stories are Urban Legends, but they’re not. 

THE ETHER BUNNY

Hahn AB, West Germany back in 1989.  We had what we called the “Ether Bunny” running around base.  This story comes to you with one degree of separation.  I was hanging in the day room and there was a young airman in distress.  He was all upset.  He wasn’t moving around the pool table too well.  Being the professional NCO, I asked him what was wrong and could I help.  He said he was new to Hahn, fresh out of Tech School.  The previous weekend he was at the club and met some guy.  This guy was buying rounds and soon the 18 year old airman was God’s Own Fucked Up.  But this dude was cool and made sure the airman got back to his dorm room.  The next morning, Sunday, airman wakes up and is God’s Own Hung the Fuck Over.  He’s all sore and having a hard time walking.

Then things got worse.  A discharge started to come out of his ass.  Thoroughly freaked out, he made his way to the ER.  It was determined that the discharge was……………..cum.  

Apparently, the rapist got the idea from the Urban Legend.

He wasn’t the first and wasn’t the last victim of the Ether Bunny.  As more victims came to light, it seems that the M.O was to get the victim drunk at the club.  Get him back to the dorm, make damn sure he’s knocked out by doing the old ether on a rag trick and ass rape him.  No women were involved.  OSI zeroed in on the folks at the hospital but I never heard that he was caught.

HOME MOVIES

My friend was a S.P (Security Police) at Spangdahlem AB.  He showed me the report of a murder in their Base Housing.  The victim was a Senior Master Sergeant.  When the S.P’s arrived, they found the victim hog tied feet to neck.  The hands were tied behind the back and the body was wearing a very fashionable leather hood.  The kind that have lumps of clay where the eyes go and is put on wet so as it dries it gets tighter.  The case was solved almost immediately, because they rewound the tape in the VCR camera on the tripod.  The couple, two men, were playing tie me up and beat me games when the beat-ee passed out.  The other guy, another senior NCO, fled the scene. Naked.  Arrested at work the same day. 

THE TOASTER

T-38A

T-38A Talon with the speed brakes down.

We were stationed at Laughlin AFB, Texas.  The wife and I liked to play tennis and one day we used the courts across the street from the O-Club.  It had trees that cut down the wind.  We were playing when I heard shots ring out.  We grabbed our toddler and got real flat.  I was afraid we might get hit as a full fledged gunfight broke out.

There was a big field between the O-Club and the Student Dorm.  The Student Dorm was where all the Lieutenants learning how to fly lived.  This is where the gunfight was going down.

It all started in the Student Dorm when two officers (two men) decided to play tie me up and beat me games.  At some point the beat-ee didn’t want to play and the safe word wasn’t doing shit.  Being a resourceful officer, he picked up a toaster and crushed his boyfriend’s head. 

Someone called the cops because of all the noise.  When the Lieutenant heard the sirens coming he fled into the field.  Naked and armed with a handgun.  The gunfight broke out between him and the cops and ended when he ran out of bullets.  He got the Death Penalty at Leavenworth.

THE EGRESS SHOP

When I was stationed at Kunsan AB, South Korea 80-81 and worked in the Aero-Repair shop. We called egress to pull the seat and some civilians from Hill AFB came out.  From them I learned where the Egress Shop went. 

The S.P.s sent the dogs through the Egress Shop and caught the folks smoking Dope right there at work.  The O.S.I homed in on the Airman that was selling the marijuana.  They wanted to know where he was getting it from.  He said he’d tell them but first he wanted to say he was sleeping with his shop supervisor and it was he who called for the dogs to visit swing shift.

Half the shop went away for smoking shit and the other half went to jail for poking shit. Cue the egress guys from Hill.

 

ZULU ALERT

Zulu Alert is Air Defense Alert.  F-15’s were sitting Zulu at Kandena AB, Okinawa. It gets lonely on alert.  A pilot and his MALE enlisted Crew Chief were caught doing the nasty inside the intake on a F-15.  When this went public all the pilots started wearing the squadron patch wherever they went.  The pilots of the squadron of the couple had rockers made for the squadron patch that read, “I’M NOT THE ONE”.

 

 

VERY HOT MIC

George AFB, 1978ish….. It was a dark and stormy night.  The flight-line was as quiet as it gets when flying is cancelled.  We all all cozy in the expediter van when someone gets on the radio.   Two girls, I’m sorry WAFs, I’m sorry again Female Airmen down in Blue Section were talking.  One of them was bragging about her boyfriend.  No one dared to call a hot mic while she droned on about what sex acts she liked in minute detail. The other one then chimed in on the sexual prowess of her lover.  Imagine about a 100 guys all leaning into the radio speaker trying not to miss a word.

Behind the scenes, the husband of one of these sexy ladies was rushing down to the flight-line to get the name of the guy she’s fucking.  At the same time, said guy was rushing over to Blue Section to tell her to shut the fuck up.

The two NCO’s met each other outside of the Blue Section expediter truck.

Fisticuffs erupted.

 

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{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Oscar Healy August 20, 2018, 21:27

    Hi Walt, Some years back, somebody posted a story of a Hot Shot Lawn Dart Driver slowing down to dazzle(?) a Hercules crew. I thought it was here. The F-16 hit full military power and did a barrel roll in the matrix surrounding the -130, and after flying inverted right above the cargo aircraft canopy, climbed to a full loop, situating himself right on the Herc’s Six O’Clock in perfect shooting position. Then he masterfully pulled alongside the Herc and broke radio silence: What did you think of that? The cool customer driving the -130 said he was indeed forever impressed but now the Falcon should watch him… Five minutes, ten minutes, finally fifteen minutes later the C-130 pilot said, “What did you think of that?” The fighter jock was clearly agitated and said, “What do I think of what? Exactly?? You didn’t DO anything!” The Hercules pilot said, “Oh I did an amazing stunt. I checked radar and flung this beast into auto-pilot, went down the ladder and walked to the aft of this trash hauler, took a fire hose strength piss and a nice hairy dump, washed my face and combed my hair, stopped by the galley for a mug of fresh, piping hot coffee and a cheese danish, and climbed back up the ladder and strapped myself back in again. You ahh, didn’t catch any of that?” “Asshole,” said the F-16 jock as he slapped his crotch rocket back into full military power and gunned the afterburner all the way back to the Base.

  • walt313 August 22, 2018, 17:36

    An oldy but a goody, thanks Oscar.

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