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Sniper Advice

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As we plod through our dreary lives, we inevitably are throw into awkward situations where we find ourselves needing to gracefully extract ourselves. Please consider these tried and true tactics:

When you’re late for work.
Say: “I was dodging Sniper fire.”

If someone notices the Band-Aid you’re wearing.
Say: “The Sniper almost got me.”

Your Mother-in-Law knocks on your door.
Do: Scream “SNIPER!” and slam the door.

You call in Sick.
Say: “A Sniper got me”.

When you’re bored at an office meeting.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!!”

When you’re pulled over by the police.
Say: “I was dodging Sniper fire.”

During periods of Erectile Dysfunction.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!”

When you find yourself embarrassing your wife in public.
Say: :”She was dodging Sniper fire.”

When you are caught lying.
Say: “I only thought I was dodging Sniper fire”.

When you burn dinner.
Say: “It was the Sniper fire”.

When you’re trying to impress someone.
Say: “I was a Sniper in Bosnia.”

When someone notices that nasty scar you have.
Say: “A Bosnian Sniper did that to me.”

When you fart.
Yell: “SNIPER!!!!”

No doubt you have other examples. Please add them in a comment.





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