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Really Bad Movies

I’m NOT making this up. Don’t believe me? Look them up.

Yes, if you click the links you can buy these poopers.

Ankle Biters [DVD] (2002)
It’s no small problem when an isolated town is overrun by vampire dwarves seeking to get their hands on a mystical sword that will allow them to create a race of giant bloodsuckers. As the diminutive evildoers wreak havoc, vampire/human hybrid Drexel races to rid the city of the knee-high Nosferatu. With a bright young cast. 80 min.

The Business Of Fancydancing [DVD] (2002)
After a friend commits suicide, gay Native American poet Seymour returns to his childhood home at the Spokane Indian Reservation for the funeral. Soon, Seymour is forced to confront his troubled past when he encounters his former best friend and an ex-girlfriend. Intense and provoking drama stars Evan Adams, Michelle St. John, Gene Tagaban; directed by Sherman Alexie (“Smoke Signals”). 103 min.

 

 

Carolina Skeletons [DVD] (1992)
A Green Beret (Lou Gossett, Jr.) sets out to clear his brother’s name in a double murder committed decades earlier, but comes across a series of disturbing secrets in the small Southern town where they grew up. Bruce Dern and G.D. Spradlin also star in this riveting story. 94 min.

 

 

Clownhouse [DVD] (1990)
An 11-year-old boy has an intense fear of clowns. When his older brothers decide to take him to a traveling carnival, he’s in for the most frightening time of his life. Things get even worse when three lunatics dressed in clown outfits go on a murderous rampage…right near the kid’s house! Brian McHugh and Sam Rockwell star. 81 min. Buy this dog for only $144.99.

ONLY ONE LEFT!

Don’t Touch The White Woman! [DVD] (1974)
The battle of Little Big Horn becomes a battle over trinkets and souvenir stands in Marco Ferreri’s anachronistic farce. Marcello Mastroianni stars as an egotistical General Custer who watches over a curio shop run by Indian scout Ugo Tognazzi that sells, among other items, stuffed and mounted Indians. Mastroianni’s final battle with Sitting Bull (Alain Cuny) takes place in a desolate Paris marketplace. Catherine Deneuve, Michel Piccoli also star. 110 min.

 

 

Lush [DVD] (1998)
Pro golfer Campbell Scott’s drinking problem leads to his expulsion from the tour, so he returns to his hometown of New Orleans. There he befriends emotionally troubled lawyer Jared Harris, and the two enjoy getting soused at private parties and area country clubs. But when Harris mysteriously disappears, Scott is suspected of foul play. With Laura Linney, Laurel Holloman. 94 min.

Porcile (Pigsty) [DVD] (1969)
Director Pier Paolo Pasolini’s darkly comic duet of stories starts with a tale of cannibalism set in war-torn medieval Italy, followed by the strange romance between a Nazi industrialist’s son and the pigs on his family’s estate that eventually eat him alive. Contains some gore and male nudity. Pierre Clementi, Ugo Tognazzi, Jean-Pierre Leaud star. 99 min.

 

BUY THE TRILOGY!

Scarecrow Slayer [DVD] (2003)
This scarecrow isn’t looking for just brains: He’s also after his victims’ hearts, guts and other various entrails! A college student is accidentally shot and comes back to life inside the fearful farmer’s helper. Now he’s out for vengeance…and to turn his ex-girlfriend into an undead monster like him! Spine-tingling sequel to “Scarecrow” stars David Castro, Nicole Kingston, Tony Todd.

 

 

 

Tail Sting [DVD] (2001)
Fly the deadly skies! On a flight to Los Angeles, a group of genetically enhanced scorpions that were smuggled aboard escape and wreak deadly havoc. As the pilot struggles to prevent the plane from crashing into the icy Atlantic, the passengers must battle the poisonous beasties. Laura Putney, Christian Scott, Gulshan Grover star. AKA: “Tail Spin.” 90 min.

 

Village Of The Giants [DVD] (1965)
When some teenagers drink a secret formula and become 60-foot adolescents, every adult in town learns to show them respect. Classic camp sci-fi romp with Tommy Kirk, Tisha Sterling, Beau Bridges, The Beau Brummels, Joy Harmon, and Ronny Howard as “Genius.” 80 min.


Wedding Bell Blues [DVD] (1997)
With their 30th birthdays approaching, girlfriends Illeana Douglas, Paulina Porizkova and Julie Warner decide they’d rather face them as divorcees rather than singles. The trio sets out for Las Vegas to find–and dump–husbands, but find some surprises along the way, in Dana Lustig’s smart and funny comedy. John Corbett, Jonathan Penner also star. 101 min.


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