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My Daughter has Always been Cool

Back in 2003 our car broke so we took it to the garage. While they were fixing it we were stuck on Rainbow Blvd. for a couple of hours.With all our cash going to the car, Rosie’s Mom , Rosie and I went window shopping.  We strolled from shop to shop until we got to Golf World.  None of us golf but what the heck. As we walked up I spied a custom motorcycle parked right in front. I was into watching American Chopper back then and marveled that this was the kind of bike they build. Nothing else was in the parking lot.

The store was big and airy and aside from one guy in the corner buying clubs, it was empty.  He was driving balls into a big mat hung on the wall. Each swing was followed by a huge WHACK as the ball hit the mat.  There were golf clubs and golf balls. WHACK!! Golf hats and golf shirts. WHACK!!! It was getting annoying. Golf videos and golf books. WHACK!!!! Golf, golf, golf. Every now and then the salesman would offer this guy a different club. WHACK!!!

Our window shopping lead us over to the dude and we started watching him smack balls into the wall. He was BUFF. I’m thinking weightlifter or maybe a football player. With a crew cut, maybe military or a cop. Over six foot and 270 maybe 280 pounds of muscle. Not an ounce of fat on him.  He was wearing white spandex shorts and a white tank top.   As we’re standing there my beloved three year old daughter starts yelling. “BUS!”….”BUS!”….”BUS!”  Everyone, including Buff Dude giggles. Everyone but me. She won’t shut up.   I’m getting embarrassed by my daughter acting like a retard.

Buff Dude turns to Rosie and bends down. “Aren’t you a Cutie”, he says handing her a golf ball. It was a surreal moment. I decide to get the Hell out of Dodge before she embarrasses the family any more.

Back outside, I’m  ogling the bike again.  I notice the Hawaiian theme paint job.  Across the tank was the word “Keanu”. I point this out to Mom and she says…

“Yeah, it belongs to your girl friend’s boy friend.”

“Huh”

“You know, in the bus goes fast movie.?”

She knows that I like Sandra Bullock and refers to her as “My Girl Friend” all the time.

“You talking about Speed?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re saying this is Keanu Reeves’  bike?”

“DUH.”

“If this is Keanu Reeves’  bike that means he’s inside Golf World.”

“DUH.”

“But nobody is in there.”

“Except the guy with golf clubs.”

Then it dawns on me. Huge Buff Dude is Keanu Reeves. I remembered skinny Keanu in  Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure , not Huge Buff Dude.  Everyone knew but me. Even Rosie was cooler than me. Her “BUS” thing now made painful sense. Now I want to go back inside and thank him being so gracious to Rosie. Maybe get the ball autographed.

Mom says, “Leave him alone, he’s trying to buy some golf clubs.”

I Reluctantly agree.

We walk away and I forgot to get a picture of the bike.

Related Story

Back then I was a driver for a car parts store. A little while after the “Bus Incident”, I was delivering parts to a gated community [ed note: The undisclosed location will remain undisclosed.] here in Las Vegas. They were going to the lawn care shop of the golf course. The speed limit of 25 mph was strictly enforced by rude security patrols. I’d been stopped once before. As I was turning left off the main drag of the community this black S-10 Bronco came hauling ass out going the opposite direction. I slammed my brakes and braced for the wreck. The SUV swerved and slammed to a stop. We wound up driver door to driver door.  Before I could unleash my accusations of this idiot doing inappropriate sexual acts with his mother, the driver beat me to it.

“Sorry Dude”. he said and sped off.  I looked to get his plate number to turn him in. It read…

“MATRIX”

Holy shit! That was Keanu again. I was rethinking how apologetic he really was as I drove to Lawn Care Guys. Along the way I spied his bike parked in his driveway.

 

 


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