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HUNTING JOKES

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Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, “Boy am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for hours.” The second deer hunter said, “That’s nothing, I’ve been lost for a week.”

My friend and I went hunting in North Carolina, and ending up shooting him twice.

I thought he was a duck.

After I shot him once he shouted that he wasn’t a duck.

But, come on … that’s exactly what a duck would have said.

I’ve just returned home from a Bear hunting holiday in Canada.

Next time I’m going to do it wearing clothes, I’m frostbitten all over.

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks its because she’s cute with big brown eyes.
Actually it’s because I would like someone to shoot her mother.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip.

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘You forgot to account for wind. Give it here’, he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells “We got him!”

Canadian TV host, Steve Ecklund, has come under fire for killing a cougar on a hunting trip. Social media users have declared him as being sick, disgusting and selfish, causing him to receive over 900 dislikes and 13 death threats on Facebook.
Fucking right too, what an absolute cunt……
Courtney Cox was on my fucking bucket list.

Two Good ‘ol Boys were hunting in North Carolina.  When one takes a terrible fall and his buddy calls 911.

911: “See if he’s dead.”

[911 operator hears a gunshot]

Hunter: “Okay. Now what?”

A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, “So I hear you hunt, Dear.” 

“Nope….ducks.”

Two hunters in deer camp woke up in the middle of the night. “Look at the stars… what a splendor,” said one hunter. “Yeah but what do you think happened to our tent?” said the other.

A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear about your aim,” said the Pastor, “It’s a sin for you to hunt any time.”

 

 

 

 


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