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Dear Any Iraqi Soldier*

In Desert Storm we were sent thousands of letters addressed to “Any Soldier”.  Many were heartfelt letters from school children.   But then letters to “Any Iraqi Soldier” started to show up on our bombs.

f-117-gbu-10

 

We were not allowed to take pictures so no original examples exist but here are some recreations…

Dear Any Iraqi Soldier,

My name is Mary and I am in the fourth grade at Ione Olsen Elementary School.  We are learning all about Desert Storm. I am writing to you to say that me and all my friends are hoping and praying that you get your ass kicked so bad you can’t eat for a hundred years,

                Love,

                Mary

Dear Any Iraqi Soldier,

My name is Mary and I am in the fourth grade at Ione Olsen Elementary School.  My Daddy flies aF-15 Eagle and he is in Saudi Arabia right now.  He says that if your guys stop being such pussies he can shoot some of you down.

                Love,

                Mary

Dear Any Iraqi Soldier,

My name is Mary and I am in the fourth grade at Ione Olsen Elementary School.  My big brother is in the Army and he says his 122 millimeter sabot rounds go through your tanks like shit through a goose. Write back soon.

                Love,

                Mary

Dear Any Iraqi Soldier,

Hi. It’s me Mary again.  My Mommy says you guys should give the fuck up.  Me and Mommy miss my Daddy a lot.  Mommy has a new friend named Bob who keeps her from being so lonely.  But she says she misses My Daddy because Bob is not as big.

                Seriously Give the Fuck Up,

                Mary

Mary got so popular that our guys would go from airplane to airplane looking to see where she’d show up next.  Nobody could figure out who “Mary” was. *  Other graffiti appeared on the weapons.

Smile. You’re on “Totally Hidden Video”

I Brake for SAM

Honk if you Love Allah

Insert rectally

Cut here for rescue.

The best one came from an Ammo Troop in the bomb dump.

Dear Saddam,

I have been here since August.  I was supposed to get married in October.  I am still drawing single rate  BAQ/BAS.  To date, I figure you owe me $1724.52.

Butif this goes square up your ass we’ll call it even.  Okay?

* Yes.  Mary was little ol’ me.

 


{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Ken Rankin July 3, 2013, 16:17

    I was the twisted bastard that liked writing the lyrics to Warpigs on the bomb. You might think it was hard to do, but there is lots of room to write on a 2,000 bomb.

    “…in the fields the bodies burning, as the war machine keeps turning…”

    Yep…good stuff…

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