But as we do, please remember to be safe. Think before you act. Please remember to be kind, to think before you speak.

Dad: “Stay in the car with Uncle Andy.”
Rosie:” I don’t wanna.”
Dad: “No really, you have to.”
Rosie: “But I want to come with you.”
Dad: “Rosie, there’s a dead guy in there. A real dead guy.”
Rosie: “I know that Dad, I gotta come with you.”

I weighed the pros and cons. Is she old enough? Is anyone? Ever? “Please, can I come?”, she said.

I caved.

Walking across the parking lot, Rosie said, “It’s all right Dad, I’m here for you.”

Wow?

I HAD TO TELL YOU THAT STORY, TO TELL YOU THIS ONE.

After that we were driving home. Just me and Rosie in the back seat, in her car seat. The drive home consists of about 30 minutes down a dark desert highway. Rosie usually sleeps. But not this night. Out of the darkness her voice is quite clear. She was around eight years old.

Rosie: “Why do they wear a suit before they close the curtain?”
Dad: “What?”
Rosie: “I said that wrong. Why do they have to wear a suit before the close the box?”
Dad: “Box? You mean the dead guy?”
Rosie: “Yeah. Why do you have to wear a suit if they’re going to close the box and no one will ever see them again?”
Dad: “Well, when Jesus comes back all the dead people get to be alive again. So when you meet Jesus, you would want to dress up in your Sunday clothes huh?”
Rosie: “Yeah.”

A couple of minutes of silence.

Rosie: “Do girls have to wear a suit?”
Dad: “What?”
Rosie: “In the box, do girls have to wear a suit?”
Dad: “No dear, girls and women wear dresses.”
Rosie: “Who picks the dresses?”
Dad: “Well, sometimes the person picks the dress or suit. But mostly, family picks for them.”
Rosie: “Okay.”

A couple more minutes for silence.

Rosie: “Dad?”
Dad: “Yes Dear.”
Rosie: “I’ll pick a good suit for you.”

Farmer Bales Himself In Hay – Watch more Funny Videos

More weirdness here.

Invoking his Constitutional Powers to Control the Weather, President Obama vowed to not repeat the mistakes of the last eight (or maybe 10) years.

To prepare for Earl, driving regulations have been suspended in North Carolina and Virginia.  Tourists have been urged to move “a little inland” while leaving their cash and valuables in their rooms for “safekeeping”.  Sea turtle nests have been scooped up and moved to safety. Sharks have been left to their own devices. FEMA has issued a Stage One Zombie Alert fearing that Zombies will come ashore on the storm surge.

The Navy destroyer, U.S.S. Cole has been ordered to leave North Carolina and sail for it’s home port in Virginia.  Naval Officials failed to notice that VIRGINIA is also slated for destruction right after North Carolina.

In a late breaking news item, Maryland has announced its desire to be a disaster area like North Carolina and Virginia.

What Barry should have said is this withdrawal was set by the SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement) agreed to by the Bush Administration,  not anything the Obama Administration has or has not done.

This is a clear example of the Democratic Party’s dogma:

“When they say it, it’s BAD. When we say the same thing, it’s GOOD.”

That’s ANDY at 14 seconds!

They’re in Oklahoma too.

Be prepared.

They are EVERYWHERE!

Last summer, the hormone fairy showed up. Rosie discovered the joys of the washer on spin and I learned to keep my  mouth shut.  I dug rifle pits and waited for Aunt Flo to attack.  I asked Mom for advice and was told, “Dad taught me, it’s on you buddy.” and hung up. I called her aunt who recommended “The Girl Scout Kit”. I never thought of this, but Aunt Flo attacks Girl Scout Troops alot . I have never been shy with feminine hygiene products but this was my daughter.  I located the Ultra thin/long.  I was informed to ignore wings.  To be sure I took a picture, which garnered a really weird look from a fellow Wal Mart shopper.  I sent it to Aunt X and I was cleared in hot to buy it.

When I tossed it on the belt, I got the piss-eye from Rosie.  She inspects the house regularly for a feminine presence, she doesn’t want anymore Mom’s.  I think she’s bagged her limit. Anyway.
“What are those for?”, she asked. “Uh….emergencies.”, says I.
“Like when I get my period.”, she said.
Dad, “Exactly”.
Rosie, “Mom says I’ll get boobs too.”

I suddenly felt I was living a joke on the internet and the cashier was holding her breath.

Aunt Flo has yet to visit, but the hormone fairy should kick in for the rent.  We have had “Anger GIrl” and then “Throw Everything Baby OUT Girl”. Then “Clean EVERYTHING Girl. We have revisited boobs.  Apparently her friend J is further along the track to womanhood.  “I hate her (says hormone infected daughter) she’s always sticking her boobs in my face.  Bragging, bragging, bragging. Boobs, Boobs Boobs,” This is an important issue. Dad must fire up some understanding.

Then it happened. As all earth shaking, life changing moments they hit you when you’re not looking.  Like labor pains. After a shower Rosie came skipping into the living room wearing panties. I’m am trying to raise my daughter with a positive body self-image coupled with a sensible amount of privacy and shyness. I have seen alot of boobs in my life, but never fresh out of the box (so to say). I caught her at an angle and “What the Hell??”.  Double check.

“Go put a shirt one.”
“Why”
“Because I said so.”

BAM, crisis averted. Well, postponed for a week. A week later, she jumped on to my knee in the usual attempt to out maneuver me at the computer. I put my arm around her to keep her from falling back. Then….I felt something strangely familiar under her shirt. I decided on the direct approach.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure Dad”
“Are you wearing a training bra?”
“Yep.”
“Where did you get it?”
“J gave me one of her old ones.”

Crisis really averted.

We then started the Next Issue.  “I want to wear a two piece bathing suit.”

I immediately noticed that although I wasn’t on Jeopardy, that wasn’t in the form of a question.

Daughters change your life.